I'm having a greattime in New York.
Did you know before Icould host this show,
they made me get a physical.
It seemed silly tome too, at first.
-I thought maybe they- I- atfirst I thought maybe they
wanted me to take a drugtest or s- you know,
make sure I wasn'thopped up on something.
But turns out they don't care--
- --about that.
And then I thoughtmaybe they were- maybe
they were checking forsome psychological thing.
But then I realized, ifthey didn't think there was
something wrongwith my brain, why
would they hire mein the first place?
-So it turns out all they careabout is if I'm going to live
through the end of the tapingfor the next couple of weeks,
And I like to- I like to thinkthat if I'm going to drop
dead in the next coupleweeks, you could tell
just by looking at me, you know.
And apparently, that's thewhole idea of the physical,
because all the guy does islook in my eye, check my pulse,
and that's it.
I mean, a monkeywith a stethoscope
could've given me that exam.
-At lea- you figured at leasthe'd give me some pep pills
or, you know, some prescriptionbutt lotion, or something.
-You know, because we all knowthat over-the-counter butt
lotion is junk.
-But if that's allyou get, hey, at least
I didn't have to wait very long.
That's the- I hatewaiting for the doctor.
You know, you sit in theroom in your underpants
waiting for the guy.
Spend the whole time studyingthat chart of the human anatomy
with all the muscles and nervesjust so I can be sure I know
exactly where tohit the guy when
he comes in to check me out.
-Anyway, it's abouttime to bring out