for a bad guy in the James
Bond universe, try James Bond.
He kills 12 dudes every dayand then bangs
all their girlfriends.
That's a sociopath who happensto work for a government.
Some of you mightbe like,
"James, that sounds like a gayconspiracy theory."
That's fine with me, becauseI'm not just gay, I'm also a
huge fan of Jesse "theBody" Ventura,
the king of conspiracies.
I love Jesse Ventura.
I'm a huge fan.
My favorite thing about himrecently is that he came out
in favor of gay marriage,and he helped to defeat this
marriage ban in Minnesota,which is so cool, because you
don't usually see big, toughguys like that on the good
side of the debate.
But there he was.
He was like, "Leavethe gays alone.
They've had enough.
Ding, ding, ding.
I'm calling the match.
They have talentswe don't understand.
One of them literally pulleda thorn out of my paw."
He had an ad that ran on TV inMinnesota where he was like,
"Government can'ttell you who to love."
That's the first time I heardthe paranoid libertarian
argument for gay marriage, andI just-- I want more of that,
because it's awesome.
"You can take my loverwhen you pry him
from my cold, dead thighs.
Don't tread on me, unlessit's playful sadomasochism.
We're a tag team partnershipfor life, and we're going to
make homophobia tap out.
Do you hear me,New World Order?
And I'm talking about HulkHogan and Kevin Nash
and two other guys."
All I'm saying isJesse Ventura, 2016.
Thank you so much, guys.