Frank Caliendo - Utah

  • Season 8 , Ep 4
  • 02/05/2004
  • Views: 16,338

People in Utah don't curse. (2:24)

Frank Caliendo: WHEW!

YAY, ME!

YAY, ME!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

ALRIGHT.

I'M CHUBBY.

ALRIGHT.

YEAH, THAT GOTCHA.

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE IN

NEW YORK.

I WAS IN UTAH A COUPLE MONTHS

AGO.

ANYBODY EVER BEEN TO UTAH

ON PURPOSE?

[LAUGHTER]

MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT UTAH IS,

THEY DON'T SWEAR THERE.

THEY USE REPLACEMENT WORDS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE?

REPLACEMENT WORDS?

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A

REPLACEMENT WORD IS, YOU EVER

SEE A MOVIE ON TELEVISION

THAT DOESN'T BELONG ON

TELEVISION 'CAUSE IT GOT TOO

MUCH SWEARING IN IT, SO WHAT

THEY DO IS THEY TAKE OUT ALL

THE BAD WORDS, AND REPLACE IT

WITH THE MOST RIDICULOUS WORD

POSSIBLE?

THEY GOT ALL THESE TOUGH GUYS

RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO LOOK

GOING ON HERE?"

"YOU SHUT UP, YOU ICE CREAM

CONE."

"DID YOU CALL ME AN ICE CREAM

CONE?"

"YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT,

YOU GODDLE-DAMPIN'-FRUITIN

DUMPSUIT."

[LAUGHTER]

THESE PEOPLE DON'T SOUND MAD.

THEY SOUND HUNGRY.

GIVE 'EM A PIECE OF PIE.

THAT'S WHAT MY MOM USED

TO SAY.

EVERY TIME SOMETHING WRONG WHEN

I WAS A LITTLE KID, THERE'S MY

MOM.

SHE'S LIKE "HAVE A PIECE OF PIE.

HAVE A PIECE OF PIE, FRANKIE.

I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE

A PIECE OF PA-HO-HOO-HOO--"

APPARENTLY MY MOM SOUNDED

A LOT LIKE ADAM SANDLER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I LOVE ADAM SANDLER 'CAUSE

HE CAN SING A SONG AND IT WON'T

MAKE SENSE.

HE'LL RHYME IT AT THE END.

PEOPLE WILL GIVE HIM A TON OF

MONEY.

I WANT THAT GIG.

I WANNA COME HERE AND SING,

[MIMICKING ADAM SANDLER]

♪ A SONG FOR ME

♪ A SONG FOR YOU

♪ LET'S HAVE A SONG

♪ IN A CANOE

THIS GUY IS BRILLIANT!

HERE'S $20 MILLION.

[AS ADAM] HEY, THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE A PIECE OF PIE?

SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE GETTING

THIS STUFF.

OTHER PEOPLE LIKE, "WHAT THE

FRUIT IS THIS GUY TALKING

ABOUT?"

SEE, CABLE DOESN'T DO THAT.

THEY BLEEP OUT THE WORDS,

LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT

THEY'RE SAYING.

YOU CAN'T READ THEIR LIPS,

WHICH IS BULL--

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT THE--

GOING ON HERE?

THAT'S A BUNCH OF BULL[BLEEP]--"

GIVE THE GUY THE FINGER,

THEY BLUR IT OUT.

SITTING AT HOME GOING,

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEHIND

THERE, POSSIBLY A BANANA.

HE DID SAY, 'FRUIT YOU.'"

[LAUGHTER]

I WISH I COULD'VE DONE THAT WHEN

I WAS YOUNGER 'CAUSE MY MOM WAS

ALWAYS YELLING AT ME TO CLEAN MY

ROOM.

BE LIKE, "MOM, DON'T BE SUCH AN

--HOLE."

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

"NOTHING."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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