Chris Hardwick - Hipster Nerds

Chris Hardwick: Mandroid Season 1, Ep 101 11/10/2012 Views: 59,213

An important warning from Chris Hardwick: The nerd lifestyle is being threatened. (2:26)

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I do have a bit ofbad news for nerds.

There is a growing contingencyof hipster nerds

that is threateningour very lifestyle.

[audience boos]

Exactly!

They don't appreciate thingsthe way that we do.

Like, hipsters don't like thingsbecause they're awesome.

Like, if I weara Captain Picard shirt,

it's 'cause I want somemother[bleep] to make it so.

Like, I am being literal.

You know? But if a hipsterwears one he's like,

"Hey look, this is Star Trek. Whatever."

Like, they don't--

They don't appreciate thingsfor being awesome.

Like, I honestly think hipsterseat with their assholes

because they consumeeverything wrong.

They're terrible.

And--and--oh.

[cheers and applause]

By the way, hipsters,

please don't work inthe service industries, please?

You don't wanna serve us.

We don't wannabe served by you.

It's perfect,you behind the counter

with your dumb curly-Q mustacheup on your lip

in and off itselflike a shrug like,

"Nah, I don't wanna be onthis guy's [bleep] face either.

But I can't cut myself off."

But nerds have changed.

We've evolved.

Like, there aredangerous nerds now.

When I was growing up,

you were not dangerous.

You just hid from people.

But now nerds attack.They're violent.

A couple years ago,

there was a stabbingat Comic-Con in San Diego.

A stabbing over a chairat a Harry Potter panel,

the way it should be.

These two guyswere fighting over a chair.

So you're probablysitting there going,

"Oh, my God, Chris Hardwick,a stabbing at Comic-Con?

"Why, from that hallon the Comic-Con floor,

"there are vendorsselling broadswords

"and Klingon battle axes

"and maces and morning starsand war blades.

"Like, what possibly could havebeen the subject

of this stabbing?"

A mechanical pencil.

Whee!

The nerd switchblade.

"That's my seat!"

"We'll seeabout that, [bleep]!"

Click, click, click, stab.

"Fear me,for I am The Architect.

"I shall draft theeinto oblivion.

Protract compass!"