Paul Gilmartin - No Patience

CC Presents: Paul Gilmartin Season 8, Ep 25 05/27/2004 Views: 3,355

With aging comes a loss of patience. (1:55)

KIDS IN L.A., THOUGH.

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S CHOPPERS SEARCHING FOR

FUGITIVES LIKE ONCE A MONTH.

YOU TELL A KID.

"DADDY, WHAT MAKES THAT NOISE

AT NIGHT?"

"TIMMY, THAT'S THE SOUND OF

POORLY PLANNED ESCAPE ROUTES

AND THE FEAR OF BEING

SODOMIZED."

[LAUGHTER]

"WANT TO HEAR A BEDROOM STORY?

THIS ONE'S CALLED METH LAB."

I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE THE

PATIENCE TO HAVE KIDS.

I FIND THE OLDER I GET, THE

LESS AND LESS PATIENT I BECOME.

I THINK ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M

GOING TO SNAP AT THE BANK AND

KILL SOMEBODY BECAUSE I ALWAYS

PICK THE WRONG LINE AT THE BANK.

IF YOU LIKE ME, YOU TRY TO PICK

WHICH LINE YOU'RE GOING TO GET

IN BASED ON WHAT PEOPLE LOOK

LIKE IN EACH LINE.

ALRIGHT, LET'S SEE IF WE'VE GOT

AN OLD LADY WITH A BAG OF

CHANGE.

[BLEEP] THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

WE'VE GOT AN OLD GUY TALKING

TO HIMSELF.

WOW.

WE'VE GOT A TIE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I ALWAYS PICK THE WRONG LINE.

I ALWAYS GET STUCK BEHIND THE

PERSON ATTEMPTING A TRANSACTION

THAT'S NEVER BEEN PERFORMED

BEFORE.

"I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THE NAME OF

THE SHIP CHECK ON MY CHECKS."

[LAUGHTER]

PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T EVEN BORN

WHEN YOU GOT IN LINE ARE NOW

AT THE HEAD OF THE OTHER LINE

PAYING OFF THEIR STUDENT LOANS.

WOULDN'T YOU JUST WANT TO GRAB

THEM BY THE HAIR AND GO,

"WHAT IN THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU

DOING THAT IS TAKING SO LONG?

I'VE GROWN A BEARD SINCE I'VE

BEEN IN LINE BEHIND YOU!"

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU DON'T PUT SOME PEPPER

IN YOUR STEP, I'M GOING TO ROB

THIS PLACE AND KILL YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE CHANCES ARE PRETTY GOOD

I'D BE PAROLED BEFORE I STOP

LOOKING AT THE BACK OF YOUR

FAT HEAD.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME GO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

LIKE $100 IN BUFFALO NICKELS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]