John Mulaney - On the Phone with Blockbuster Video

John Mulaney: New in Town Season 1, Ep 101 01/28/2012 Views: 48,004

Before John Mulaney went through puberty, his voice sounded like a little flute. (1:14)

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I WAS ALSO CONFUSED

WITH A WOMAN SOMETIMESOVER THE PHONE.

BECAUSE BEFOREI WENT THROUGH PUBERTY,

I HAD A VOICE LIKEA LITTLE FLUTE.

I WAS ONCE ON THE TELEPHONEWITH BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO,

WHICH IS A VERY OLD-FASHIONEDSENTENCE.

AND--IT IS.

I WAS ON THE TELEPHONEWITH BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO.

THAT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR GRAMWOULD BE LIKE,

"WE'D ALL GO PLAY JACKSDOWN AT THE SODA FOUNTAIN."

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "NO ONE KNOWSWHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

YOU IDIOT."

YOU KNOW HOW YOU TALKTO YOUR GRANDMA?

SO...

I WAS ON THE PHONEWITH BLOCKBUSTER.

I'D CALLED THEM A COUPLEOF TIMES IN ONE DAY

TO ASK ABOUT A MOVIE.

AND I CALLED FOR A THIRD TIME.

I SAID, "HEY, YEAH.I WAS JUST CALLING TO SEE

IF YOU HAD ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES YET."

AND THE GUY AT BLOCKBUSTERWENT, "HEY, LADY...

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN WE GET ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES."

BUT LOOK, I WASN'T OFFENDEDAS A BOY BEING CONFUSED

WITH A LADY.

I WAS OFFENDED AS A LADYWHO WAS GETTING PUSHED AROUND

BY THIS CHAUVINIST ASSHOLETHAT WORKS AT BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO,

TALKING TO MELIKE I'M SOME FLOOZY.

I AM A PROUD ASIAN-AMERICANWOMAN

AND YOU WILL TREAT MEWITH RESPECT.