Mike Birbiglia - Rap

  • Season 10 , Ep 6
  • 03/02/2006
  • Views: 21,815

Why are rappers so mad about the date? (2:41)

I WANTED TO BE A RAPPERWHEN I WAS A KID.

BUT RAP WAS VERY INNOCENT WHEN I WAS A KID.

IT WAS JUST LIKE, "RIMMINA RAP RAP RAP, RAPTASTIC." YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S GOTTEN SO ARBITRARILY AGGRESSIVE. RAPPERS NOW WOULD BE LIKE,

"IT'S 2005 MOTHER-[BLEEP]."

I'M LIKE, "YOU'RE MAD ABOUT THE DATE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOU GOTTA PICK YOUR BATTLES. I MEAN YOU GET MAD ABOUT THAT,

NO ONE'S GONNA BELIEVE YOU WHENYOU'RE MAD ABOUT REAL STUFF."

LIKE, "YOU CRASH INTOMY CAR MOTHER-[BLEEP]."

"YEAH, BUT YOU'RE MAD THAT IT WAS 2005.

YOU'RE LIKE THE BOY WHO CRIED MOTHER-[BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THIS WAS JUST A-- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

I'VE BEEN TAKING PHOTOS OF EVERYTHING ON THE ROAD LATELY.

- AND I FIND THAT PHOTOS... - [LAUGHTER]

ARE A VERY INACCURATE DEPICTION OF EVENTS, THOUGH,

'CAUSE YOU'RE NEVER LIKE, "HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIME

- WE WERE LIKE." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I FEEL LIKE THERE'S TOO MANY CAMERAS RIGHT NOW.

LIKE YOU GO TO BUY SOMETHINGAND EVERYTHING'S ALSO A CAMERA.

THEY'LL BE LIKE "IT'S ALSO A CAMERA."

I'M LIKE, "I JUST WANTED A GRAPEFRUIT."

THEY'RE LIKE, "IT'S A CAMERA GRAPEFRUIT.

"YOU TAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF EATING THE GRAPEFRUIT

AND THEN YOU EAT THE CAMERA AND YOU POOP THE PICTURES."

"OH, MY GOD. THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TECHNOLOGY'S MOVING SO FAST.IT'S TO THE POINT

YOU CAN MAKE STUFF UP AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE YOU.

YOU CAN BE LIKE, "YOU SEEN THE NEW SONY TELEPORTER?"

PEOPLE WOULD BE LIKE, "NO, BUT I HEARD ABOUT IT."

I END UP SAYING THAT ALL THE TIME.

"NO, BUT I HEARD ABOUT IT."

IT MEANS I HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT IT, BUT I LIKE YOU.

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

I'M GONNA DO ONE MORE THING BEFORE WE GO TO COMMERCIAL.

HOLD ON. STAY THERE.

OKAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANKS.

THAT'S ARTHUR, EVERYBODY. GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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