Brian Regan - How to Eat a Pop Tart

  • Season 3 , Ep 14
  • 09/07/2000
  • Views: 84,539

Pop Tarts really aren't that hard to make. (2:52)

MY DOCTOR TOLD METO EAT MORE FRUIT.

WHAT BETTER SOURCETHAN A THIN LAYER

ON A STRAWBERRY-FROSTEDPOP-TART

AND MELTED BUTTER ON TOP?

I'M LOOKINGAT THE POP-TARTS BOX,

AND I NOTICETHEY HAVE DIRECTIONS ON THERE.

[laughter]

I GIVE UP ON THIS SPECIES.

LIKE, IF THE DIRECTIONSWEREN'T ON THE BOX,

WOULD SOMEBODY--

"WHAT THE--

HOW DO I GET THAT GOODNESSIN ME?"

[laughter]

YOU DON'T GOTTA WORRY, MAN.YOU GOT DIRECTIONS.

THEY HAVE TWO FULL SETSOF DIRECTIONS.

THEY HAVE TOASTER DIRECTIONS,WHICH--I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.

THE TOASTER DIRECTIONSARE LONGER THAN ONE STEP.

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S POSSIBLE

THAT THE DIRECTIONSARE LONGER THAN ONE STEP.

YOU THINK IT WOULD BE "STEP ONE:TOAST THE POP-TARTS.

[laughter]

"GO AHEAD.TOAST 'EM.

"IT'S OKAY.

HEY, ARE YOU STILLREADING THIS?"

BUT THEY'VE MANAGEDTO BREAK IT UP

INTO SMALLER INCREMENTS.

THESE ARE THE ACTUALTOASTER STEPS.

I WANNA BE IN THE ROOMWATCHING SOMEBODY

WHO HAS TO CONSULT THESE STEPS.

"NUMBER ONE,REMOVE PASTRY FROM POUCH.

"OKAY.

"YEAH.

"I SEE WHERE THEY'RE GOINGWITH THIS.

"WE ARE BANGINGON ALL CYLINDERS NOW.

"OKAY.NUMBER TWO, INSERT PASTRY.

"OH, OKAY.VERTICALLY INTO TOASTER.

I GOTTA GET A TOASTER."

IT'S, LIKE, TWO OF, LIKE,17 TOASTER STEPS.

AND THEN THEY HAVEMICROWAVE DIRECTIONS.

YOU CAN MICROWAVE A POP-TART.

THAT JUST BLEW ME AWAYTHAT YOU COULD DO THAT.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKETO TOAST A POP-TART?

A MINUTE AND A HALFIF YOU WANT IT DARK?

PEOPLE DON'T HAVETHAT KIND OF TIME?

LISTEN, IF YOU NEED TOZAP-FRY YOUR POP-TARTS

BEFORE YOU HEAD OUT THE DOOR,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOSEN UPYOUR SCHEDULE.

AND I SWEAR, IT SAYS,

"MICROWAVE ON HIGHFOR THREE SECONDS."

THAT'S ALL.

I DON'T THINK I WANT TO WAKE UP

AND BE EATINGIN THREE SECONDS.

THE ALARM GOES OFF--BUZZ--

"IT'S LATE!I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

IF YOU'RE WAKING, EATING,AND HAULING IN THREE SECONDS,

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