Kumail Nanjiani - Knockoff Birthday Song - Uncensored

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 1 07/20/2013 Views: 29,610

Kumail Nanjiani breaks down the terrifying song that he heard at a child's birthday party in Pakistan. (1:54)

Watch Full Episode

I had other scary stuff happento me

Like, this happened--I was ten.My brother was six.

You know how your parentsmake you do shit

you don't wanna do?

My dad's friend's kidwas having a birthday,

and we did notwant to go.

This kid was annoying.He was a bully.

We didn't want to go,and my dad's like,

"Bad news,you have to go."

And we were like,"F--"

That's as far as we got.

So we have to go.

So we get thereto this birthday,

and the birthdayis in Pakistan,

and, I mean,we're all in Pakistan.

I don't knowwhy I said it like that.

That would have been horribleif we weren't and he was like,

"Bad news number two,the birthday's in Pakistan.

"Here's your ticket there.Make your own way back.

See you again never.Never see you again."

So we getto this birthday,

and for some reasonon the stereo,

they were playinga knock-off Pakistani version

of the birthday song.

And the song goes exactly

like this, I swear.

The song goes...

♪ Happy birthday

♪ Thank you very much

♪ Happy birthday

♪ Thank you very much

♪ Happy birthday

Those are the only lyrics.

Over and over.

That's it.

And you thinkit's a horrible duet, you know,

with two people.

One guy being like,"Happy birthday."

"Oh, thank you very much."

But it's one voice.

So it's one crazy guy

alone in a room,

wishing himselfa happy birthday

into a mirror

and then thanking himself

as if he's surprisedevery time.

"Happy birthday.Thank you very much.

"I'm gladsomeone remembered.

Let's go kill everybody."