Dave Gets Revenge Pt. 1

  • Season 3 , Ep 1
  • 07/09/2006
  • Views: 388,034

Dave, his wife and his kid take revenge on a woman who wronged him years ago. (3:23)

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[knock at door]

- HOLY SHIT,IT'S DAVE CHAPPELLE!

- WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

HEY, LITTLE FELLA, IS YOUR,UH, IS YOUR DAD AROUND?

- NO, HE'S AT WORK.

- WHERE'S HE WORKIN'?

- HE WORKS ATTHE DOUGHNUT SHOP

ON ROSCOE BOULEVARD.

- SOUNDS LUCRATIVE.[laughs]

DO ME A FAVOR, SQUIRT,RUN GET YOUR MOM.

- MOM!

- OH, MY GOD.

DAVID.

- OH...

- OSCAR, GO PLAYWITH YOUR TOYS.

- YOU DON'T MIND IF WE COME IN,TAKE A LOAD OFF, DO YOU?

- YOU KNOW, DAVID, I'VE BEEN SOPROUD OF YOU ALL THESE YEARS,

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOWTHAT I'M REALLY SORRY

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENEDBETWEEN US.

I MEAN, FOR PETE'S SAKE, DAVID,WE WERE ALL JUST KIDS.

- YEAH.YEAH, WE WERE KIDS.

I MEAN, HOW WERE YOU GONNA KNOW

THAT CHEATIN' ON ME THE NIGHTTHAT I ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME--

WITH JAMAL, OF ALL PEOPLE--

WOULD REALLY GIVE METRUST ISSUES

THAT I STRUGGLE WITHTO THIS VERY DAY.

- [laughs nervously]

WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS,JAMAL AND I ARE STILL TOGETHER,

AND HE'S LEGIT NOW.

- I HAVE A CONFESSIONTO MAKE.

I LOVE YOU.

I'VE LOVED YOU THE ENTIRE TIMEI'VE BEEN AWAY FROM YOU.

I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME.

- [gasps]

DAVE,I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- [whispering]SAY YES.

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE?

- SHH...

HER?IT'S OVER BETWEEN US.

- WHAT ABOUT MY HUSBAND?

- WHAT ABOUT HIM?LEAVE HIM.

YOU DON'T NEED HIS DOUGHNUT SHOPMONEY, I GOT YOU.

[gunshot, siren wails]

OR YOU COULD STAY AROUND HERE;I'M SURE YOU'RE COMFORTABLE.

GIVE IT A WEEK.

I'LL SEND A JET FOR YOUTO BRING YOU TO MY HOME.

IF YOU'RE GONNA COME,I'LL BE THERE WAITIN'.

[sentimental piano music]

[laughing]

- IT'S DONE, BABY.

- THE DIVORCE IS FINAL?

IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF?

[whispers] OH, THANK GOD.THIS IS FOR YOU.

I WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES,I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

KEEP 'EM CLOSED.

[car door shuts]

ALL RIGHT, OPEN 'EM!

[both laughing]

THIS MY WIFE AND MY SON!

GIRL, I DIDN'T GET NO DIVORCE--WE'RE HAPPY AS HELL!

[laughing]

- WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?

- WHY DID I DO IT?

'CAUSE I'M PETTYAND LUCKY FOR ME,

MY FAMILY'S PETTY TOO.

[laughs hysterically]

- NICE SHOES.

both: OH!

- HOLD ON, HOLD ON.LOOK AT THAT SQUIRREL SKIN COAT.

OH!

GET THAT COAT SOME PEANUTS.

[laughter]

GO BACK TO YOUR HUSBAND.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

OH!- OH!

- ALL RIGHT, COME ON Y'ALL,LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

LET'S GO TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,BUT I WANT SOME DOUGHNUTS.

[laughter]

HOW MANY SQUIRRELS MUST DIEFOR YOU TO LOOK FLY?

[howling laughter]

HEY, SHONDA,

I'M RICH, BITCH!

- YOU SON OF A BITCH.

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