Sean Donnelly - Not That Kind of Body

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 10/31/2013
  • Views: 5,405

Sean Donnelly is starting to realize that his wife might be done having sex with him. (2:04)

I KNOW I CAME HERELOOKING LIKE

DAD TRYING TO DRESS COOL.

I GET THAT.

LIKE, WHAT'S UPWITH THE Y.O.L.O., RIGHT?

WHAT'S THE Y.O.L.O.?WHAT IS THAT?

HOW 'BOUT THIS "BELIEBER"GUY, RIGHT?

I'M TRYINGTO LOSE WEIGHT, MAN.

MY NEW FITNESS GOALIS TO JUST NOT BE SLOWER

THAN THE GOOGLEWALKING DIRECTIONS.

THAT'S ALL I WANT.YOU EVER LOOK AT THE--

YOU KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT?

YOU EVER, LIKE--YOU EVER LOOK ATTHE GOOGLE WALKING DIRECTIONS,

AND YOU'RE LIKE,"SIX MINUTES, GOOGLE?

HOW MANY SNACK STOPS DID YOU PUTINTO THAT ASSESSMENT?"

I'M GETTING BIG, MAN,

AND WHEN YOU HAVEA BELLY LIKE THIS,

YOUR BELLY STARTSTO PUSH DOWN YOUR PANTS.

IT'S A FACT OF LIFETHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

BUT IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOUR BELLYIS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU.

IT'S LIKE, "LET'S GET YOUOUT OF THESE PANTS, SEAN.

"YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY, SEAN.

"LET'S GET YOUOUT OF THESE PANTS.

YOU LOOK HOT."

I'M GETTING SO BIG

THAT AT THIS POINT,IF I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET,

AND I DROP SOMETHING,

I'LL JUST [bleep] LEAVE IT.

LIKE, IT DOESN'T MATTERWHAT IT IS.

IT COULD BE A CELL PHONE.

IT COULD EVEN BE AN IPHONE.IT COULD BE A BABY.

IT'S BLACK HAWK DOWN FOR THAT BABY.

I GOT MARRIEDA COUPLE YEARS AGO.

THAT'S EXCITING, HUH?

[cheers and applause]

DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.

I THINK MY WIFEIS DONE [bleep] ME.

I DON'T THINK SHE WANTSTO HAVE SEX WITH ME ANYMORE.

IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS.THE WAY I KNOW--

SHE GIVES ME SHITTY EXCUSES

ABOUT WHY SHE CAN'T HAVESEX WITH ME.

LIKE, THE OTHER DAY,I WANTED TO HAVE SEX,

AND MY WIFE GOES LIKE THIS,SHE GOES,

"I CAN'T, I HAVE TO WAKE UPEARLY TOMORROW."

THAT'S--THAT'S A TERRIBLE EXCUSE.

I'M LIKE, SIX MINUTES?

YOU CAN'T SPARESIX MINUTES FOR THIS?

WHAT ABOUT THIS BODYMAKES YOU THINK

YOU'RE WAKING UPAT NOON TOMORROW

AFTER WE'RE DONEHAVING SEX?

THIS ISN'TA "[bleep] YOU ALL NIGHT,

WAKE UP LATE TOMORROW"KIND OF SEX BODY.

THIS ISN'T GOOD SEX.

THIS IS PALE, FAT,IRISH SEX.

THIS IS DEPRESSING SEX.

THIS ISN'T 50 SHADES OF GREY SEX.

THIS IS ANGELA'S ASHES SEX.

THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU'RE--WE'RE HAVING SEX,

AND YOU'RE WAKING UPLATE TOMORROW

IS IF WE HAVE SEX,AND THEN WE WATCH

ALL OF THE GODFATHER MOVIES.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAYTHAT'S HAPPENING.

THERE'S GOTTA BE MORE SHITGOING ON IN THERE.

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