Brian Scolaro - Church on Drugs

  • Season 13 , Ep 4
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 8,226

The worst thing Brian has ever done on drugs is go to church. (2:05)

AND WE HAVE A WAR ON,LIKE, COUNTRIES.

WHY DON'T WE COMBINE THE TWO?

JUST DROP THE DRUGSON THE COUNTRIES.

NOBODY WOULD DIE.

WE'D WIN A WAR,AND NOBODY WOULD BE KILLED.

ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

LIKE, FILL UP 100 CROP-DUSTERPLANES WITH ANGEL DUST,

JUST FLY OVER,JUST DROP IT ON THEM.

THEY CAN'T FIGHT ON ACID,YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE JUST GONNA BE STARINGAT THE CAT AND LAUGHING.

THROWING WATER ON EACH OTHER.

[ LAUGHING ]

THEN WE JUST COME WALKING IN

DRESSED UPLIKE GIANT SPIDERS, LIKE...

[ ROARS ]

[ SCREAMS ]

NOBODY WOULD DIE.

WORST THING I EVER DID ON DRUGSIS CHURCH.

THAT WAS -- THAT'S --

THAT WAS [BLEEP] UP.WASN'T THAT [BLEEP] UP?

THAT WAS A REALSTUPID THING TO DO.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BURSTINTO FLAMES WHEN I WALKED IN.

HAD THE MUNCHIES -- WENT TOCOMMUNION, LIKE, SIX TIMES.

HAD A THING OF SALSA WITH ME,YOU KNOW, LIKE, "HERE, COME ON.

COME ON."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU GET ALL THESE IDEAS,YOU KNOW?

SO, I'M IN THE PEW,AND THE PRIEST IS TALKING.

I'M JUST LISTENING.I'M LIKE, "OKAY.

"WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I JUSTYELLED OUT BULL[BLEEP]

THAT CAN'T HAPPEN!"

CAN'T THROW ME OUT.THERE'S NO BOUNCERS.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHINGIN CHURCH.

YOU CAN START A WAVE,YOU KNOW.

YOU CAN THROW A BOWLING BALLUP THE [BLEEP] AISLE.

YOU CAN WALK INDRESSED UP LIKE SATAN

AND JUST SIT IN THE BACK ROW --"BOO!"

[ CHUCKLES ]

PUT ON A JESUS BEARDAND A ROBE.

JUST COME IN THE BACK DOOR WITH,LIKE, A BASEBALL BAT,

LIKE, "WHO THE [BLEEP]ARE YOU PEOPLE?

"THIS IS MY HOUSE!

"GIVE ME THAT WINE!

"UGH.

"WHAT, ARE YOU SINGING SONGSIN MY LIVING ROOM?

IT'S 10:00 A.M."

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