Brian Regan - Baby Books

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 101 06/09/2007 Views: 188,710

Brian Regan worries that he may be missing the subtext of four-page-long children's books. (2:08)

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You're supposed to readto your kids

even when they're babies.So I've always done that.

I don't know who's writingbooks for babies,

but I want a pieceof that financial pie.

I put my daughter on my lapwith this big cardboard book.

"The clock.

The big clock." Hey.

"Ticktock.

The end."

"Twelve bucks."

And there's a synopsison the back that is longerthan the actual book,

and I'm not exaggerating.

"Sit down with your children,and you will delight...

"as you read aboutthe adventuresof the ticking clock.

"Sometimes it goes, 'tick,'and sometimes it goes, 'tock,'

"which just goes to show you,you never can be too surein life,

'cause sometimesthings are one way,but they are about to change."

Are you talking about this book?

You can't possibly be talkingabout this book.

I must have missedthe subtext.

I read all thesekids' books, you know.Let me ask you something.

Does the owl go, "who,"

or does it go, "hoot"?

Half the books say one.Half the books say the other.

Let me tell you something.Owls don't go, "hoot." Okay?

Has anyone ever heardan owl go, "Hoo-t"?

Hoot!

Never in the historyof the animal kingdom...

has an owl enunciatedlike that. Ever.

Toss those booksin the trash can.They didn't do their research.

Who's decidinghow they go, you know?

"The horse goes, 'Neigh.'"

When? When?

When does a horse do that?

"You wanna give me a ride?""Neigh."

Everybody knowshorses don't go, "neigh."They go, "Wilbur."