Scientists who studiedthe Facebook activity
and mortality ratesof 12 million Californians found
that other scientistshave no respect for them.
Also, they foundthat people who received
and accepted morefriend requests live longer.
Seriously, (bleep) our society.
Whatever... whatever happensto us, we deserve.
-Yeah. -I mean...-(applause)
We all do. We all do.
For years, doctors have beensaying, to prolong your life,
make sure you stay inside,
make as many fake friends,not in real world as possible,
never interact with anotherhuman being in person,
-I think is what...-Yeah.
I think that's whatthey've been saying. Comedians,
what's another online activitythat will help you live longer?
It's important to avoid conflictand spark outrage.
That's whyI only post stuff like,
"I think we can all agree
it's still okayto make fun of the handicapped."
-(laughter and groaning)-HARDWICK: All right. All right.
Okay. I'll give you points.
Well, it turns outit's actually okay
to continue smoking cigarettes,as long as you offset it
by watching lotsof cute cat videos.
-(laughter and groaning)-That's true. Yeah, points.
-Of course it is. -Yeah.-That makes everything okay.
When using craigslist, alwaysmurder the other person first.
-(laughter)-HARDWICK: Yeah. Points.