I'm out theremaking moves on the ladies,
working my magic.
I took a cooking classto meet the ladies.
You know who I met there?Creepy dudes.
You're probably lookingat me thinking,
"Hey, I bet this guy looksat a lot of Internet porn."
Well, you'd be right.
Backslash titties.Let's party, New York City.
And by "party,"I mean in my pants.
I look at so much Internet porn,I should join a support group,
but I'd get there,
it'd be a bunch of dudes from mycooking class.
The celebrities are crazy,right?
They're alwaysmaking those sex tapes.
I tried to talkthis girl into it.
I was like, "Hey, girl, let'smake one of those sex tapes."
She's like,"Oh, that sounds good, Dave.
We just got to get somebody elseto play your part."
I got to go toa costume party next week.
I'm going to dress up as a bear,so I can eat beavers.
This thing on? Hello?
I like The Maury Povich Show.
They have that episode on Mauryevery once in a while,
"Is it a man or a woman?"
I'm like, "Who cares?These chicks are hot!
Especially that dude. What?"
You're probably wonderingwhat's wrong with me
at this point in the show.
Well, maybe it has something todo with when I was growing up.
My parents told me they weregoing to sell me to the gypsies.
"Oh, thanks." Like, "If youdon't do your homework,
we're gonna sell youto the gypsies."
"If you don't eat all your food,
we're going to sell youto the gypsies."
What sort of terrible businessare the gypsies running
when they're takingmalnourished, dumb kids, huh?
They got a van. They're drivingacross the country.
Like, "We don't want that big,football-playing kid.
"Give us that pale, dumb oneover there, eating his boogers.
Cash money for that character."