In a close presidential race,or a penis-measuring contest,
every inch counts, which is why
Team Trump has been usingsome creative measuring.
In September, Donald's doctorslisted him as six-three
when he'd beenpreviously six-two.
We'd say it was a simplemistake, but, uh, come on.
Trump's doctor'sa medical professional.
There he is.
Was it Mickey Rourkein Cast Away?
-Looks like. Nice.-(laughter)
-(applause and cheering)-I've actually...
I'm gonna give you100 points for that.
Uh, I've been calling himSpammy Hagar. Uh...
And now Trump's VP,the Ghost of Mayonnaise Past,
-seems to be following suit.-Mm.
At last night'svice presidential debate,
it was clearthat Tim Kaine, Hillary's VP,
and also the dad on every DisneyChannel show...
taller than Mike Pence.
And yet,when we looked it up online,
Pence is listed as tallerthan Kaine! What the (bleep)!
Either Trumpand Pence are lying,
or maybe they just measuretheir heights
while standing on the backsof the poor, but...
-(laughter, groaning)-It's actually...
(cheers and applause)
...a good political strategy.
Look, comedians,now that this is a thing,
what other physical attributemight the candidates lie about
to seem more presidential?
-Bob Saget. -Um, Mike Pence.A lot of people don't know this.
Mike Pence can make a cucumberdisappear actually
-just by sitting on it.-HARDWICK: Okay. Points.
Yeah. Rich Eisen.
Pence's hair is actuallythat white and not the result
of seeing the ghostthat haunts Trump's toupee.
-HARDWICK: All right. Points.-(laughter, applause)
They're two oldentitled white guys.
They don't haveto lie about anything.