Rob Riggle - Cotton Tops

  • Season 14 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 18,201

Rob Riggle does not care for the old and believes that they are out to destroy us. (2:07)

I DON'T SEE TOO MANY, UH --

I DON'T SEE TOO MANY COTTONTOPSHERE TONIGHT.

THAT'S NICE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

UH, I DON'T CARE FOR THE OLD.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

UM...

SO THAT'S NICE.

UH, I DON'T MINDPUTTING IT OUT THERE.

I DO NOT CARE FOR THE OLD.

DON'T LIKE THEM.

UM, THEY'RE OUT TO DESTROY US.

THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.

THEY'RE REALLY OUTTO DESTROY US.

AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT,I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

AND I'M SURE YOU ALL HEARDABOUT IT.

SEVERAL YEARS AGO, A --AN OLD MAN DOWN IN FLORIDA

DECIDED TO GET INTOHIS 7,000-POUND CADILLAC

AND, UH, GO TO THE MARKET.

AND THEN, OF COURSE,HE WENT THROUGH THE MARKET,

IN THE PROCESSRUNNING OVER 39 PEOPLE!

39 PEOPLE!

HERE'S MY QUESTION.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT THE HELLWAS NUMBER 39 DOING?

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

[ Muttering ] IT DOESN'T.IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

ALL RIGHT, SCREW IT.

WE'RE GONNA PLAY THIS ONE OUT.WE'RE GONNA PLAY THIS ONE OUT.

WE HAVE TO!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE 39.

I'LL BE 39.

WAY DOWN THERE,AT THE END OF THE MARKET,

HERE COMES THE CADILLAC.

[ IMITATING TIRES SCREECHING ]

[ IMITATING EXPLOSION ]

AAH!

OH, MY GOD, THERE'S A CADILLACIN THE MARKET!

AAH!

[ IMITATING DOG BARKING,EXPLOSIONS ]

AAH!

MOMMY, MOMMY!MY LEGS, MY LEGS! AAH!

OH, MY GOD,I'VE BEEN CUT IN HALF

BY THIS 7,000-POUND CADILLAC!

AAH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION,OF COURSE,

IS THAT NUMBER 39 WAS OLD!

[ LAUGHTER ]

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