Maria Bamford - On the Inside

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 01/29/2010
  • Views: 35,231

If you feel alone, call the operator and she will listen to you for a 45-minute session. (2:21)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESSWHO IT IS.

(stoned giggling)

WHAT? (chuckles)

OKAY, I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

(stoned giggling)

W-WHA?

IT'S GOD.

(laughter)OH...

I CAN'TWAIT TILL THE ATHEISTS

GET IT TOGETHER AND STARTSOME SORT OF TV NETWORK

UP AGAINST THE CHRISTIANS.

(applause)

(Southern accent) FRIENDS ALWAYSASK ME HOW DO I TESTIFY

ABOUT MY LACK OF FAITH.

AND I HAD A GOOD FRIENDCAME TO ME.

HE'D LOST HIS HOME, HIS JOB,HIS FAMILY, HIS APPENDAGES.

AND HE SAID, "OKAY, I GET IT.THERE IS NO GOD."

(laughter)

AND I SAID, "WELCOME HOME."

(laughter)

WELCOME HOME.

(normal voice) ALL RIGHT,FEELING ALONE?

UH, DOWN IN THE WORLD?

CALL THE OPERATOR BECAUSETHEY'RE STANDING BY,

AND IF YOU GETTHE RIGHT PERSON,

THEY WILL LISTEN TO YOUFOR A 45-MINUTE SESSION.

(urban accent)"OKAY, OKAY, SO YOU HAVE,

LIKE, PSYCHOLOGICALPROBLEMS."

YEAH, I PROBABLY NEED TO SEEA THERAPIST.

"OKAY.

SO IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CANTAKE ABOUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS?"

WELL, I TALK ABOUT IT,BUT THEY'RE LIKE,

"WHY CAN'T YOU COME OUT TONIGHT?I SAY, "'CAUSE I'M FILTHY."

THEY SAY, "TAKE A SHOWER."I SAY, "NO, IT'S ON THE INSIDE!"

(laughter)

"OKAY.

SO YOU CRAZY."(laughter)

"YOU KNOW WHAT I DOWHEN I FEEL DOWN?

"I'M TOO BLESSEDTO BE STRESSED.

"WHEN I FEEL DOWN, I GO OUTAND SEE A COMEDY SHOW.

YOU EVER GET YOUR LAUGH ON?"

YES, I HAVE, SHIRLEY.YES, I HAVE.

(laughter)

"WELL, MAYBE YOU AIN'T SEENA FUNNY ONE."

OH, TOUCHé, MADAME.

"YOU SHOULD GO DOWNTO THE LAUGH FACTORY.

"THEY GOT REFRIED FRIDAYS.THAT'S FOR LATINO PEOPLE.

"I DON'T UNDERSTANDWHAT THEY SAYIN',

BUT THEY MAKE A LOTOF FUNNY FACES."

"AND THEY GOTMO' BETTER MONDAY.

THAT'S ON A TUESDAY."(laughter)

"MO' BETTER, I GUESSTHAT'S FOR BLACK PEOPLE.

WE ONLY GET ONE DAYOF THE WEEK TO LAUGH."

(laughter)

"WHITE PEOPLE LAUGH EVERY DAYOF THE WEEK.

HA. HA. HA."

(laughter)

LET'S GET BACK TO ME,SHIRLEY.

LET'S GET BACK TO MEAND MY PROBLEMS.

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