Pete Davidson - Dropped Out of College

Stunt Audition Season 1, Ep 6 12/06/2013 Views: 37,489

It didn't take Pete Davidson very long to figure out that college was not for him. (1:42)

YAAAAY!WHAT'S UP, ADULTS?

HOW YOU DOING?YOU GOOD?

I-I JUST DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE.ANYBODY ELSE?

[cheers and applause]

YEAH!

I, UH, I DROPPED OUT'CAUSE I WAS DORMING,

AND I DIDN'T LIKE DORMING.

THAT'S IT.

I DIDN'T SPEAKTO ANY OF ROOMMATES,

AND I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE, LIKE,THE FIRST MORNING,

WE ALL WOKE UP WITH A BONER,AND WE WERE LIKE,

"THIS ISN'T FOR ANY OF US."YOU KNOW?

ONE TIME,WE RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER,

AND WE JUSTDIDN'T GET ANY.

BUT EVERYBODYTOOK A SHIT EVERY DAY,

AND NOBODY KNEWWHAT THEY USED.

IT WAS, LIKE, THIS "DON'T ASK,DON'T TELL" POLICY THAT WE HAD.

ONE TIME, MY ROOMMATECAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM

WITH ONE SOCK.I WAS LIKE,

[bleep], WE NEED TOILET PAPER.HOLY SHIT.

THIS IS GETTING REAL.

I HAVE NO GAMEWITH WOMEN,

'CAUSE I WENTTO AN ALL-BOY CATHOLIC SCHOOL,

WHICH IS LIKE AN EDUCATIONALCOCK-BLOCK.

IT'S JUST--IT'S NOT VERY FUN.

HERE'S SOMETHINGTHAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN

IN AN ALL-BOYS SCHOOL:DON'T GET AN ERECTION.

THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR THATAT ALL.

IT JUST SHOULDN'T HAPPEN,'CAUSE THERE'S PRIESTS THERE,

AND PRIESTS ARE LIKE SHARKSWHEN YOU GET A CUT IN THE WATER.

I GOT MY PRIEST TO STOPHITTING ON ME, THOUGH.

IT WAS EASY.

I INTRODUCED HIMTO MY LITTLE BROTHER.

[audience ohs]

I GOT AN "A."