Politics and Pole Dancing in Philadelphia

July 29, 2016 - Gary Johnson 07/29/2016 Views: 428

Grace Parra finds out how the Democratic National Convention is affecting business at a nearby strip club in Philadelphia. (4:09)

Welcome back!

Hillary's historic nominationbroke a long tradition

in politics, so we sentGrace Parra down to Philadelphia

to tell us aboutanother tradition in politics

that doesn't seemto have changed a bit.

Let's take a look.

-♪ -A woman for president.

PARRA: In Philadelphia this week,

Democrats were all about empowering women.

-Standing up for women...-Women...

-Women...-Women's rights...

-Hillary Clinton...-Girls...

-All the women...-(cheering and applause)

But Donna Brazile wasn't the only lady dancing

for Democrats this week,

because where did Hillary delegates go

after a long day of shattering glass ceilings?

Titty bars.

That's why I had to go to a Philadelphia strip club

to root out this disturbing trend.

Have you guys seena lot of business this week,

-maybe more businessthan usual? -Absolutely.

About, uh, five to six timesour normal business.

This is Zach. Believe it or not,

he isn't the United States Secretary of Agriculture.

He is the manager of a Philly strip club

which is seeing much larger crowds

while the DNC is in town.

Now, is this strictly becausethey're Democrats?

Or you think Republicansare also, uh, as horny?

Uh, they're politicians,and everybody's horny.

Do you thinkthere is something hypocritical

about supporting a womanas president

but then also comingto a strip club?

I don't really seehow the two are related.

A lot more politicianscomin' in this week,

-right?-Tons of politicians,

-and I'm ready for that moneyto come in. -Mm-hmm.

These dancers claim to be excited for the tips,

but something in the way they Cloroxed bodily fluids

off that pole told me they want to clean up

the Democratic Party's sexist hypocrisy

and its disgusting sexual fetishes.

Feet is a pretty big fetish.

-Politicians like feet?-Yes.

-Stinky feet.-No.

Yes. Sweaty feet, usually.

-What?-Yeah.

I have a customer

who will pay at least $1,000

for you to poop on him.

Is his name Newt Gingrich?

And Philadelphia isn't even America's fetish capital.

D.C. is known mostly

for their torture chambersfor politicians.

-What? -Yeah.A lot of high-end politicians,

businessmen, too,like to get tortured.

And that's what excites them

and that's what keeps them goingevery day.

I mean, D.C. in and of itselfis kind of a torture chamber.

-Yeah. Uh, but at least this way-It's very meta.

they-they releaseall their power

to someone else torturing them

instead of themtorturing everybody else.

Great point, Zach. But just how sleazy

do politicians get with their reckless spending?

Some customers liketo have financial domination,

meaning they give girlscomplete control

over their bank accounts.That's what excites 'em.

It's not sexualbut it excites them,

and who's to sayanything is wrong with that?

Why have I not met one singleman in my life like that?

Because that sound awesome.

Huh. Zach got me thinking about the difference

between these two age-old professions.

So which do you thinkis a smarter career path

for young women,politics or stripping?

-Stripping.-Why?

You can at least drink and lieand not get in trouble about it.

-Right. -And these entertainersare strong, independent women.

-They live by themselves,mostly. -Yeah.

Um, they provide for theirfamilies or for themselves.

They put themselvesthrough school.

And they're not doinganything illegal.

So maybe strip clubs don't demean women

as much as I thought.

Because if stripping sets women back,

Zach would never say it's a better career path

than politics.

Which professionwould you feel more comfortable

with your daughtersgetting into,

-politics or stripping?-Ooh.

Uh, probably politics.

Wow, Zach changed his positions quicker than Hillary.

But based on my week in Philadelphia,

I realized strip clubs and political conventions

aren't so different.

They both attract huge crowds,

they both trade in dirty secrets,

and they both bring in that sweet, sweet money.

(cheering and applause)

Thanks, Grace!We'll be right back

with Libertarianpresidential candidate

Governor Gary Johnsonright after this!

(cheering and applause)