ULTIMATE SKETCH ARCHIVE
("Hail to the Chief")
- Good evening my fellow Americans.
Now with me as always is my anger translator, Luther.
- Now, conventional season is over,
and campaigning has begun in earnest.
- Clint Eastwood, motherfuckers!
We ain't done talkingabout this here, y'all!
We ain't done talking about it, I certainly am not!
Because this old nigga lost his comb
and his damn mind.
- Both conventions had interesting speakers.
- You know what I would have said if I was actually
sitting in that chair with old Clint?
I would have said, nope,got your facts wrong,
what are you talkingabout, and kiss my ass,
you grizzly old nutjob!
- Speakers who clearly put forth
the positions of both parties.
- Oh, and by the way, thank you for Ohio.
Why don't you giveanother speech, brother?
I might win Texas!
- We Democrats had agreat time in Charlotte,
and former President Clinton gave one
of the best speeches I've ever heard.
- This motherfucker right here.
Worst wingman ever.
You know what, Bill, Iknow you can't help it,
but when you trying to hook a brother up with a girl,
don't try and fuck her first!
Don't just try to walk up to her,
with your well-oiled abs.
- He reminded us why we're Democrats.
- And you know what,
it's like I ain't neverdone nothing for you?
Come on, brother, I gave Hillary a job
and sent her overseas,that was for you, nigga.
- And so, I want to thank Bill Clinton and my wife
Michelle for their great speeches.
- Michelle, baby, I ain't seen you in a while
since I been on the campaign trial, but that dress?
Girl, you had it goin' on, for real,
I mean you had the gunsout, like ska-klack,
up top, you had the blaw, on the bwaam over here,
ooh, everything was in the right place
and your booty was likean apple, I could just,
I coulda just taken a bite out of it.
Like this, crazy,
and I could chip a tooth, baby 'cause that shit is hard.
- Luther. - [Luther] That shit is tight.
- Yes sir, okay,please do not objectify
the most powerful woman in the world Luther, damn.
- It is true, though.
You could chip a tooth on that booty.
Thank you and good night.