Uncensored - Robert Kelly - Farting in a Baby's Face Pt. 2

Live at the Village Underground Season 1, Ep 101 01/09/2015 Views: 2,426

A woman breaks Robert Kelly's concentration, and her baby pays the price. (2:18)

You know, I stopped

And I was like, let mejust try to work this out.

Let me let some gas out.

And I looked around.

Nobody was there.

And I bent over.

I kind of went into my zone.

You know, there's like azone, when you're like,

I'm not going to shit.

Like, you can undo it sometimes.

There's a couple--[grumbling] and then you're

like, if I can just let a littlegas out, I can make it home.

I can make it home.

But if I takeanother step without.

I'm gonna shit.

I'm not-- let me leta little-- you know,

just pull one cheek over to theside and try to concentrate.

You know what I mean?

Like you can use your ninjatechniques to shut down

levels of asshole.

And then, out ofnowhere, a lady comes up

with a baby in thebaby carriage and just

sees me blocking the sidewalk.

And she's like, sir, excuse me.

I'm in a rush.

Excuse me.

But I'm in the fourth dimension,trying not to shit my pants.

I don't hear this broad.

Then she parks the baby'sface in my asshole,

like that's going towake me up somehow.

And it was one of thosenew baby carriages,

where the baby's sittingup like a factory manager

looking over the floor.

So his face was in my asshole.

And I was young, Iwould have held it.

But I'm almost dead,just [fart noise] right

in its face, laughingin the mother's face.

Just, what?

Did you hear that?

She was so mad, which madeit even funnier to me.

She was like, in a child's face,real-- [gags] I was like, yes.

You don't know me.

Don't par you baby's face ina stranger's asshole, moron.

But the funniest partwas the baby's face,

because the baby didn'tknow what a fart was.

He smelled it and felt it.

His little hairblew up and shit.

But he tried to fight it,like it was a ghost, just--

And then, he gave up.

He quit.

Have you ever seena defeated baby

face-- funniestface I've ever seen.

Please fart in a baby'sface before you die.