Paul F. Tompkins - Theme Parks

  • Season 11 , Ep 15
  • 03/15/2007
  • Views: 12,396

Theme parks are a great way to get rid of money fast. (3:10)

- I THINK THAT'S WHY. - [LAUGHTER]

LIKE, SOMETIMES I'LL OPEN UP MY WALLET AND I'LL SAY,

"HO, HO, HO, YOU HAVE HAD IT."

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE GOING ON THE RIDES AND STUFF,

AND I LOVE ALL THAT GARBAGE YOU CAN BUY AT THE THEME PARK.

MY FAVORITE THING HAS GOTTA BE AT ALMOST EVERY THEME PARK,

THE SMASHED PENNY MACHINE. OH, WHAT COULD BE BETTER?

IT'S LIKE CATNIP TO ME.I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

I HAVE PENNIES.I WANNA GET RID OF 'EM,

- AND I LIKE TO SMASH THINGS. - [LAUGHTER]

SMASHED PENNY IS GREAT. FOR JUST 51 CENTS YOU CAN GET

YOUR VERY OWN SMASHED PENNY. ALL IT COSTS IS 51 CENTS.

YOU GET A LITTLE DESIGN ON THE PENNY FOR JUST 51 CENTS.

LOOK, I'M FINE WITHPROVIDING MY OWN PENNY.THAT SEEMS FAIR.

BUT, 51 CENTS, YOU'RE TELLING ME

PENNY-SMASHING TECHNOLOGY IS SO COST PROHIBITIVE

I GOTTA COUGH UP FOUR BITS? C'MON.

SMASHED PENNY, THOUGH. IT'S-- IT'S WORTH IT, THOUGH.

I JOKE AROUND. IT'S WORTH IT, BECAUSE FOR JUST 51 CENTS

YOU GET YOURVERY OWN SMASHED PENNY.

OH, SMASHED PENNY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME GREAT TIMES, OLD FRIEND.

OH, SMASHED PENNY. I CAN'T WAIT TO GET YOU HOME,

TAKE YOU OUT OF MY POCKET AND PUT YOU ON THE DRESSER

- FOR THREE WEEKS. - [LAUGHTER]

YEAH. THEN YOU'RE GONNA MAKE YOUR WAY IN TO A SHOEBOX

FILLED WITH TICKET STUBS AND OLD KEYS

THAT DON'T FIT ANYTHING ANYMORE.SO LONG SMASHED PENNY.

- I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME I MOVE.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

NOW, USUALLY AT EVERY SMASHED PENNY STATION

YOU WILL FIND THE SMASHED PENNY WALLET.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT HOLDS UP TO 12 SMASHED PENNIES.

AND, I WANNA REMIND YOUTHAT IT IS A WALLET,

MEANING THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TOCARRY IT AROUND WITH YOU.

ONCE YOU GOT IT FULL OF SMASHED PENNIES--

THAT'S WHAT WALLET MEANS,DOESN'T IT? LAST TIME I CHECKED.

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU EVER HAVE THIS? WHY?

IS THIS FOR PEOPLE THAT ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO IDEA--

NO IDEA HOW TO START A CONVERSATION WITH A STRANGER?

LIKE, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHATSOEVER.

"WELL, I DON'T KNOWANYTHING ABOUT POLITICS,

"BUT LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

"HOW MANY SMASHED PENNIES HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

"IN ONE PLACE AT ONE TIME?

- "LESS THAN 12?- [LAUGHTER]

YOU MIGHT WANNA SIT DOWN."

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