Demetri Martin - Mytho-Zoology

Season 1 , Ep 101 01/13/07 Views: 34,494

An expert in the study of imaginary animals shares details about the mythical Vertimaid, Paradoxotaur and Zebratard. (2:59)

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HELLO, MY NAME IS PROFESSOR IRWIN GLANDS.

I AM A DOCTOR OF MYTHO-ZOOLOGY,

AND TODAY, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT SOME LESS COMMON MYTHICAL CREATURES.

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF -- I HAVE SEVERAL ADVANCED DEGREES

AND HAVE WRITTENA NUMBER OF BOOKS

ON THE TOPIC OF, UH, LEGENDS, FOLKLORE, MYTHOLOGY,

SPECIFICALLY WITH RESPECT TO...

ANIMALS.

MOST OF YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD OF CERTAIN IMAGINARY CREATURES

LIKE THE DRAGON OR THE...

UNICORN.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOME THATYOU MAY NOT BE SO FAMILIAR WITH.

I'D LIKE TO START WITH A CREATURE FROM THE SEA --

THE VERTIMAID.

MUCH LIKE A MERMAID, IT'S HALF WOMAN, HALF FISH.

BUT, UNLIKE A MERMAID,

THE VERTIMAIDIS SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE,

WHICH MAKES ITA LITTLE LESS ATTRACTIVE

THAN A TYPICAL MERMAID

AND ALSO CREATES CERTAIN PHYSICAL PROBLEMS.

NEXT UP IS THE AMOEBICORN.

THIS IS LIKE AN AMOEBA,

BUT IT HAS A VERY SMALL HORN...

ATTACHED TO IT.

THIS ANIMAL IS VERY IMAGINARY

BECAUSE IT'S VERY SMALL.

TO IMAGINE A HORN THAT SMALL IS VERY DIFFICULT...

AND IT'S VERY...MAGICAL.

A VERY BEAUTIFULMYTHICAL CREATURE

IS CALLED THE ZEBRATARD.

AND THIS ANIMALIS ONE-HALF PIG, ONE-HALF EAGLE,

ONE-HALF ZEBRA -- MAKING IT AN IMPROPER FRACTION,

SO THAT'S THREE-HALVES OF A CREATURE.

THAT'S 1 1/2 MYTHICAL CREATURES,

AND IT'S SURPRISINGLY GRACEFUL

AND VERY RARE.

AN IMAGINARY CREATURE THAT HAS CONFUSED EXPERTS FOR CENTURIES

IS THE PARADOXOTAUR.

THIS CREATURE...

ONLY EXISTS IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT EXISTS.

BUT IF YOU DO BELIEVE IT EXISTS, THEN IT DOES NOT EXIST.

EXPERTS HAVE MADE GUESSES

AS TO THE APPEARANCE OF THE PARADOXOTAUR --

WHAT FORM IT MIGHT TAKE --

BUT REALLY, IT'S ANYBODY'S GUESS.

FINALLY, I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT

THE MOST CONTROVERSIALMYTHICAL CREATURE OF ALL,

AND THAT IS THE RexFidoBuster,

WHICH IS A THREE-HEADED DOG...

THAT ALSO HAS THREE DOG BODIES.

THIS HAS STIRRED UP A BIT OF CONTENTION

IN THE MYTHO-ZOOLOGICAL FIELD,

BECAUSE SOME EXPERTS CONTEND

THAT THIS IS SIMPLY THREE DOGSSTANDING NEAR EACH OTHER.

WELL, I'VE GOT TOGET BACK TO WORK,

BUT I HOPE THIS WAS INFORMATIVE...

AND HELPFUL.

TAKE CARE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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