IN FRONT OF A MIXED CROWD.
I TRAVEL ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.I GO ALL OVER THE WORLD.
SOMETIMES I'M IN AN AUDIENCEWHERE I'M ONE OF ONE.
YEAH. YOU EVER BEENTO CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA?
NOT A LOT OF PIGMENTIN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA.
OKAY? WHITE.
W-H-I-I-I-I-T-E, OKAY?
IOWA IS SO WHITE,
I THINK THAT'S WHERE THEY MAKEWHITE PEOPLE AT.
ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE IN HERE,LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FOOT.
IT SAYS, "MADE IN IOWA."
[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WENT TO A STRIP CLUBWHILE I WAS THERE.
IT GOT WORSE. YEAH.
SOME STATES SHOULDN'TEVEN HAVE STRIP CLUBS.
IOWA -- TOP OF THAT LIST.
NO BLACK PEOPLE.IT WAS COLD.
I'M IN A DARK-ASSSTRIP CLUB.
BUNCH OF PALE-ASSWHITE GIRLS DANCING AROUND.
I THOUGHT I WASIN A HAUNTED HOUSE.
[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
"NOW APPEARING ON STAGE ONE,GIVE IT UP FOR PALE GAIL!"
"WHOO-O-O-O-O-O!"
SHE JUST COME OUT THE WALL?
IT'S THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD.
I GOT UP FOR THIS SHOW, TOO.
I GOT A HAIRCUT.GOT ME AN OUTFIT.
I WAS GONNA WORK OUTAND EVERYTHING.
I WAS LIKE, "DON'T HAVE THATKIND OF TIME FOR RESULTS."
I WAS GONNA EAT HEALTHY, TOO.
I WAS GONNA GIVE MYSELF A WEEKOF EATING HEALTHY.
THEN I SAID, "NAH, FORGET IT."
TOO MUCH WORK.TOO EXPENSIVE TO EAT HEALTHY.
ANYBODY A HEALTH NUT IN HERE?
TOO EXPENSIVE TO EAT HEALTHY.
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
YOU EVER GO TO WHOLE FOODS?YOU EVER GO TO WHOLE FOODS?
A CARROT IS LIKE $7.
McDONALD'S GOT DOUBLECHEESEBURGERS FOR A DOLLAR.
YOU KNOW WHY KIDSDON'T EAT FRUIT?
'CAUSE FRUITSDON'T HAVE ANY MASCOTS.
THAT'S WHY KIDS DON'T EAT FRUIT.FRUITS DON'T HAVE ANY MASCOTS.
LIKE EVERY SUGARY CEREALHAS LIKE A BEAR OR A RABBIT.
IT'S LIKE, "KIDS, EAT IT, KIDS!EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT!"
YOU'RE A LITTLE KID,YOU'RE LIKE,
"I GOT TO GET THAT CEREAL."
THERE'S NO MASCOT FOR GRAPES.
NO MASCOT FOR APPLES.YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE THE GRAPEAND THE APPLE --
THEY THE MASCOTS FOR UNDERWEAR.
THAT'S WHY I SAID I WAS GONNAEAT WHAT I WANT TO EAT
AND DRINK ALCOHOLAND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YEAH.