David Koechner - The Leg Story

The One with the Childhood Crushes Season 1, Ep 1 07/24/2014 Views: 6,310

While out running errands for his family, David Koechner stumbles upon a man with one leg and a story to tell. (2:48)

I have a wife and five kidsand sometimes I get sentto the store.

If I get sent to the store,it's for one item and usuallya convenience store.

In this case,it was a carton of milk.

Outside the convenience store,I noticed a man standingover to the left.

He has one leg... but he alsohas a t-shirt on that says,"Leg story, $10."

What do I know? I have twopieces of information.

There's a man with one leg,and a story to tell.

Who am I to judge?

This guy could inspire me...with his story.

Hand him a ten dollar bill, say,"All right, sir, I'd liketo hear your story.

"What is it, are you a vet?"

He said, "No, sir,here's my story.

"The wife and I went to asecond-hand thrift store.

"We came upon a recliner.

"I said 'We're buying it.'

"My wife said it smells likemold. I said, 'Shut yours,woman.'

"We loaded itinto the pick-up truck.

"As we got home, I put therecliner in front of thetelevision and I sat down.

"And then I exclaimed, 'Argh!'

"A spring had sprung loosefrom the back of the recliner...

"and impaled the back of my leg.

"I didn't let on to the wife.

"A little later that evening,she exclaimed it was timefor dinner.

"I said, 'I'll be eatingin the new recliner.'

"I realized I could notextricate myself from saidspring at that point.

"Even later that night,she said she's going to bed.

"I said, 'I'll be sleepingin the new recliner,'...

"which was a mistake,because as I slept...

"that spring dug deeperslinky-like into the backof my leg.

"In the morning, my wife awokeand announced she'd be stayingat her sister's...

for a couple days. 'Good foryou,' I said, 'bad for me.'

"As I realized soon thereafter,that spring must have hadsome rust on it.

"Because I got tetanus,which causes lockjaw.

"She returned two days later,and as you can imagineat this point...

"I could not speak and I haddefecated all over myself.

"She called the emergencymedical technicians.

"They removed me from therecliner, took me to thehospital and removed my leg.

"End of story."

Well, okay, less inspiringthan I'd hoped.

More of a cautionary tale...about hubris and arrogance.

But thank you for your story.I have some milk to procure.

He said, "Would you like to hearhow I lost my left nut foranother ten dollars?"

I said, "No, I think I'm good."

He said, "I'll show youfor five."

Let me tell you something,folks.

That's the best five dollarsI ever spent.