and our waiter comes outand he is gorgeous.
He is so good-lookingI cannot stop looking at him.
And then I realizeI'm looking at him
more than she's looking at him,
which means I have a type
and I'm not completelycomfortable with that.
So I said, "Hey, lookhow hot our waiter is."
And she goes,"I'm not into blonds."
"Well, I'm not into men.
"What's happening right now?
"You can't switch hair colors?
"I switched teams.
"For this conversation.
"Now, let's talk about his eyes
"and how he gets his skinto look so soft.
It's like the hairjust falls off."
He's Gosling hot.He was Gosling hot.
(scattered whoops)If Ryan Goslingfrom The Notebook
had a baby with Ryan Goslingfrom Crazy Stupid Love,
then that baby
grew into a teenager
and hung out with Ryan Goslingfrom Drive,
it would've been this waiter.
(audience whooping)I know.
Makes you wet.
He could've kissedeither one of us
and I wouldn't have saida word about it.
He could've kissed my girlfriendand I wouldn't have done shit,
except make her tell methe story every night
before I fell asleep,
because I betit would've been wonderful.
"Tell me againhow soft his lips were
"and how he wrote you a letterevery day for a year.
"And even thoughyour mom hated him,
"she saved those letters.
Because she knowswhat true love is."
You know, the coal miner.