- All right, you guys ready for an awesome show?
- We got a good lineup.
- Hey, I wanna go up!
- [Jonah] Oh.
- Let me go up, I wanna do some comedy.
- No, Lauren, I'm so sorry.
My little sister's here again.
Lauren you can't do comedy, you proved that last time.
- I don't do stand-up anymore.
- Okay last time it was so awkward,
'cause she's like in love with me.
- No, I know, I know.
- I don't want this.
- Hi Kumail!
- I thought you were in the car.
- I got out of the car again.
- Jesus Christ, if you're not gonna do comedy,
what are you gonna do?
You're not doing stand-up.
- I'm doing improv now.
- Oh Jesus.
Well we're not gonna bedoing improv with you,
and you can't do improv by yourself, so thanks anyway.
- I don't need you, I have a team!
- [Jonah] What?
- Hi Kumail!
- Hi Kumail! - Hey Kumail, what up!
- [Lauren] Let us come up!
- [All] Please, please, please.
- [Kumail] Jonah, don't do this.
- My mom will kill me ifwe don't bring them up.
Alright, come on.
- [All] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes man, yes man!
- Hi. - Hi.
- How ya doing girls?
- Hi, we're fine, shut up.
- Fine, shut up.
- Alright, well what's your troupe name?
- [All] We're the We Just Got Our Periods.
- Oh come on, Lauren!
- Except for me, but almost.
- Jonah, this is weird, hi, hey.
- Your shirt looks awesome.
- [All] Yeah.
- Look, look.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my god, you'relike in love, oh my god.
- Okay, alright, alright, alright, come on.
Lauren just do whatever you're gonna do and then.
- Okay, should we get a suggestion?
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Who can give us a suggestion of anything at all?
- Hurry up and give thema suggestion, please.
- [Audience] Salad bar.
- Salad bar. - Salad bar.
- Thank you.
- This salad bar is really good.
- So good!
- The croutons are here.
- They taste almost as good as I bet Kumail does
if you kiss him.
(inaudible yell and laughter)
- I bet Kumail could toss my salad.
- Oh Lauren, please, Lauren, mom watches the show.
- I don't care, Mom knows about tossing salads.
- You know what doesn't taste good?
Skid marks like your brother has in his underwear.
- Hey, shut up!
- [All] Ew!
- Stay out of my room!
- Wipe your ass!
- I do!
I do wipe my ass, I do wipe my ass!
- Yeah right.
- You wipe your ass with the underwear that you put on.
- Okay, new scene, new scene.
- Okay, can we do another one?
- Okay, let's do another.
Okay, give us a suggestion.
- What's the suggestion?
- [Audience] Kumail's abs.
- Shut up, no, no, no, no, no.
Shut up, shut up, shut, shut, shut up.
Okay, how about, here'sone, apples, apples.
- Apples, apples.
- Thank you apples.
- Thank you apples.
- So many apples.
- I can't wait to make an apple pie.
- Yeah I'm going to make an apple pie
for my husband, Kumail.
- My husband Kumail and I sometimes lay in the same bed
and our butts touch.
- My husband Kumail and I, sometimes he kisses me
- Sometimes my husband, Kumail,
I put apples in my shirtand they look like boobs
and then I say come and take a bite out of my apples
and he's like, okay,and then I go, go lower!
- End scene, end scene, end scene.
Okay, that's good, you guys are good.
- [All] No, no, no, no.
- You're not letting us do anything.
- Jonah, I told you not to, hey, don't look at me.
- What are you about to say?
- Finish your sentence.
- Go on.
- Don't finish your sentence, Kumail.
- Say it slowly.
- Yeah, whateveryou want to say.
- Feel it.
- Whisper it.
- You guys should go sit down.
- Oh god, oh god, Kumail.
Just don't sayanything to them, okay?
- Let us do one more scene, please.
- No you did a--
- We'll do a serious one, it won't be about Kumail,
we'll do a serious one.
- It won't be about Kumail?
- It won't be about Kumail.
- Or any of my stuff?
- You can pick the suggestion.
- Okay, funeral home.
- I'm so sad Jonah died.
- This is a good scene.
- It was crazy how he pooped forever 'til he died.
- I know.
- Let's take turns damaging the body.
- I brought my screwdriver.
- That's good.
- I brought a full bladder.
- What did you bring?
- I just brought a secret, but I forgot you can't
tell dead bodies secrets cause they'll never spread
them and then you won't make friends.
- You can tell us your secret.
- Okay, yesterday I thought I felt my period start
but it was just a little liquid.
- [Female] Do that on the body.
- Go on, do it on the body.
- Lauren, I know obviously we all hate Jonah cause
he's the worst but, he was your brother so you're
probably gonna miss him right?
- We're so sorry he was your brother.
- I'm sorry too but the coolpart is, I didn't tell you guys
I get to fuck Kumail everyday the rest of my life.
- [Jonah] Okay, alright.
- What the fuck?
- Okay get out of here,get out of here Lauren.
- No, one more!
- [All] One more, one more!
- No more!
- [All] One more!
- Okay, all right, but you can't talk about Kumail.
- Just give them a suggestion, this is the last one.
- [All] You giveit, you give it.
- Please, please, please.
- [Female] Anything.
- [Female] Anything at all.
- Um, pickup truck.
- I heard Kumail.
- I'm Kumail.
- Alright stop it!
End scene, end scene, end scene, end scene.
- Fine, thank you!
- Yeah thanks!
- Get out of here!