Brian Scolaro - Phone Sex

  • Season 2 , Ep 0206
  • 06/21/2007
  • Views: 7,057

Over the phone, a female orgasm sounds like a woman running up the stairs. (2:31)

I had phone sex recently.

She knew we were having it;it wasn't anything creepy.

Wasn't a telemarketeror anything.

This is what I noticed, man.

When a woman has an orgasm,

that's a natural,beautiful thing.

Natural and beautiful likea sunrise, waterfall,

rainbow, you know?

Something that just naturallymakes you stop

and you're like, "Ah."

You just can't takeyour eyes off it.

But when you can only hearthem on the phone,

it's a little funny.

Woman has an orgasm, sounds like

she's, like, running upten flights of stairs, you know.

Like she's on the first floor,like... (soft moans)

(moaning grows louder)

"Keep going, keep going,keep going,

keep going, keep going."

Oh! Oh!

Almost there! Oh!

Then when I have an orgasm,

it sounds like I'm fallingdown the stairs.

Uh! Uh! Uh!

My leg... time out.

Uh! Uh! Uh!

I'll call you back.

(applause)

Anyway, I, uh...

I farted on an elevatorrecently,

and I'm really... I'm notembarrassed talking about it.

I'm not.

Everybody farts.

Everybody in this room farts.

Somebody is fartingin here right now.

(laughter)

What's the big deal?Why can't we talk about it?

Women fart, right?Women fart.

I think, just... they don'tlike to admit it.

I think they hold it insidetill they get home.

And they stand out in the yardat like 3:00 a.m. just going,

(sustained tone)

And all the grassaround them dies.

There's nothing to sayafter you fart.

Did you ever notice that?

There's no post-fartingslogan in our society.

You burp right, and you go"Excuse me."

Fart-- nothing at all, man.

"Excuse me" doesn't seemto (bleep) cover it, you know.

Don't you think we shouldhave something by now?

Like, "May God have mercyon us all."

(laughter and applause)

Hey, all right.

Bring religion into it.

Most people camouflage them,that's what most people do.

That's when you're hanging outwith your friend, right,

and you're about to, you know,

so you just try to talk over it,right?

(loudly):Hey! Ah! Ah!

♪ Shabba-dabba, da-dot-da.

Ah! Ah!

I got an idea,let's go see a movie...

(fart sound)(shouting):Movie!

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