Dov Davidoff - God's Crazy Associates

  • Season 11 , Ep 5
  • 01/25/2007
  • Views: 13,516

Why is everybody most closely associated with God always doing something wild? (2:36)

THE ATHLETES ARE TALKING TO GOD.GOD'S HELPING THE ATHLETE.

YOU ALWAYS HEAR THESE GUYS, "GOD'S ON OUR SIDE."

YEAH, THEN WHAT ARE YOURUNNING AROUND FOR?

IF GOD WAS ON MY SIDE, I'D SHOW UP JUST LIKE THIS,

AND THE COACH WOULD BE, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

I'D BE LIKE, "YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHO'S ON OUR SIDE.

HAVE A CHICKEN WING, BOSS.WE GOT THIS ONE."

AND WHY'S GODALWAYS GOT SUCH CRAZY--

LIKE EVERYBODY ASSOCIATED MOST CLOSELY WITH GOD

IS ALWAYS DOING SOMETHIN' WILD. LIKE THE FUNDAMENTALISTS

ARE TALKING TO GOD, THEY'RE BLOWING THEMSELVES UP.

THE GUY WHO KIDNAPPEDTHE ELIZABETH SMART KID

SAID GOD TOLD HIM HE NEEDED HIS SECOND WIFE.

SON OF SAM SAID GOD WAS TALKING TO HIM THROUGH

HIS NEIGHBOR'S DOGSO HE HAD TO KILL PEOP--

WHY DOES GOD ALWAYS GOT SOME WACKY [BLEEP] TO SAY?

YOU KNOW, WHEN'S THE LAST TIMEYOU HEARD SOMEBODY SAY, "LOOK,

"GOD TOLD ME TO GET A MUFFIN AND A CUP OF TEA

AND COOL OUT, MAN." GOD SAID, "DON'T STAB EVERYBODY."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

- MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME RECENTLY. AND-- - Audience: AW!

NO, NO, I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE FOR LIKE A WEEK AND A HALF.

I'M DATING AGAIN--IT'S NOT REALLY DATING--

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEYSO WE JUST WALK AROUND.

SHE'LL ALWAYS SAY THINGS LIKE,"WHERE ARE WE GOING?" YOU KNOW.

AND I'M LIKE-- "FURTHER.

I TOLD YOU TO EAT BEFORE YOU COME OUT WITH ME."

IT'S HARD TO MEET NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW? AND THEN, WHEN I WAS

AT MY MOST VULNERABLE POINT, THIS TERRIBLE THING HAPPENED.

I GOT A REJECTION HOTLINE NUMBER FROM A GIRL.

YOU GUYS KNOW THE REJECTION HOTLINE?

- [LAUGHTER] - THIS IS CRUEL, MAN!

YOU-- YOU CALL. THE-- THE-- HE-HEH!

I WAS SMILING, AND THE GIRL WAS SMILING,

AND SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER. AND TOOK IT DOWN.

I GOT HOME AND I WAS SO LONELY. AND-- AND I WAS LIKE...

AND THEN IT JUST SAID, "YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED." AND I WAS LIKE WAH-OH.

YOU KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY. I DID.

BUT MY FRIEND KNEW THE GIRL. HE KNEW WHERE SHE LIVED.

SO I DECIDED TO PLAY A LITTLE JOKEY JOKE ON HER.

I SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE. AND THEN I RANG HER BUZZER.

AND THEN I HID BEHIND THE TREE OUTSIDE.

AND SHE CAME OUT AND SHE WAS LOOKING AROUND.

- AND I KILLED HER. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND WE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY.

NO. BUT YOU KNOW, LOOK, A MAN COULD FANTASIZE.

THAT WAS CRUEL! I JUST WANNA MEET A NICE GIRL!

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