Tom Shillue - Advertisements

  • Season 9 , Ep 13
  • 05/05/2005
  • Views: 2,468

Commercials used to be wholesome. (3:34)

CONSERVATIVE NOW.

I'M GETTING CONSERVATIVE.

I SIT AT HOME.

I THINK THERE'S TOO MUCH SEX

ON TV.

THERE'S SEX IN COMMERCIALS NOW.

COMMERCIALS USED TO BE

WHOLESOME.

NOW YOU GOT THAT WOMAN WASHING

HER HAIR--

[MOANING]

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T NEED THAT IN MY SHAMPOO.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THERE'S A COMMERCIAL ON TV.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

THIS.

THERE'S A WOMAN SHE'S PUTTING UP

WALLPAPER.

HER HUSBAND COMES HOME SHE SAYS,

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS

COLOR?

HE SAYS, "I THINK IT'S UGLY."

SHE GOES, "I THINK YOU'RE UGLY."

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID WHAT THE HELL'S THAT FOR?

AND THEN THE VOICEOVER COMES IN.

IT'S THIS SEXY, FEMALE

VOICEOVER.

SHE COMES IN WITH A DEEP,

SEXY VOICE.

SHE SAYS, "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL

TO PHILADELPHIA."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S AN AD FOR PHILADELPHIA.

AND IT SHOW'S THE COUPLE.

THEY'RE IN LOVE AT THE END OF

THE COMMERCIAL.

AND THE WOMAN COMES IN WITH THAT

SEXY VOICE AGAIN.

SHE'S SAYS "PHILADELPHIA.

FIND A MORE PERFECT UNION."

[LAUGHTER]

DID YOU CATCH THAT?

THAT'S A PHRASE FROM THE

CONSTITUTION.

CONSTITUTION SIGNED IN

PHILADELPHIA.

THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE

CONSTITUTION SEXY?

THAT'S WRONG.

THEN THERE'S ANOTHER AD FOR

PHILADELPHIA, SAME THING.

THE COUPLE'S IN LOVE AT THE END.

WOMAN COMES IN WITH THAT SEXY

VOICE AT THE END OF THE

COMMERCIAL.

SHE SAYS, "PHILADELPHIA.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."

ANOTHER PHRASE FROM THE

CONSTITUTION.

WHAT IF THEY KEEP THIS CAMPAIGN

UP?

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH

THE CONSTITUTION LINE BY LINE.

SO I WENT THROUGH THE

CONSTITUTION LINE BY LINE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I FOUND PHRASES THAT COULD

DOUBLE AS PHILADELPHIA'S SLOGAN.

"PHILADELPHIA.

CALL TOGETHER LEGISLATIVE BODIES

AT PLACES UNUSUAL."

[LAUGHTER]

"PHILADELPHIA.

DO ALL OTHER ACTS AND THINGS

THAT INDEPENDENT STATES MAY DO."

[LAUGHTER]

"PHILADELPHIA.

ABSOLVING THE MANLY FIRMNESS OF

HIS INVASIONS ON THE RIGHTS

OF THE PEOPLE!"

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]

ACTUALLY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT

THAT MEANS.

BUT I JUST HAD TO READ THAT

'CAUSE I WANNA KNOW WHAT

FOUNDING FATHER WROTE "MANLY

FIRMNESS OF HIS INVASIONS."

THAT WAS THE FRISKY FOUNDING

FATHER, RIGHT?

[CHEER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS SHOULD BE THE SLOGAN FOR

PHILADELPHIA.

"PHILADELPHIA.

BECAUSE ALL MEN ARE ENDOWED BY

THEIR CREATOR."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WERE GREAT.

THANKS A LOT, FOLKS.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

COMEDY CENTRAL.

Captioned By

mCCaptioning Services

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