- This is Jeff Ross.
One of my rules for roasting,
and you can apply this is your life,
make fun of people who volunteer.
I thought maybe I wouldtry speed roasting
a few volunteers from the audience.
So when you say, "Who wants to get roasted?"
And, someone volunteers,then destroy them.
If you had to fuck oneof the guys on stage...
Would it be the guy fromTo Catch a Predator?
Would it be the Versionguy in Saudi Arabia?
Let's talk to the lady wearing the drapes
from my hotel room.
- Very proud of my dress.
- Looks like the liningto a nicer dress.
What's your name?
- I'm Mark.
- Mark, and how long have you been the school bully?
What do you do all day?
- I'm an analyst for home mortgage collections.
- Another rule of roasting,pick people who are big targets.
Did you ever find the temple of doom, what happened?
You're Al Broker.
- You're a phys ed teacher?
- [Jeff] Wow, really.
- So what do you tell the kids to do, just, take a nap?
Is that what it is?
- Another rule of roasting, backhanded compliments.
If you're roasting a big shot, praise before you slam 'em.
Dave, you look great.
- I do?
- Did you just come froman umpire's funeral?
- Aw shit, ouch.
- [Crowd] Whoa!- Thanks, wave.
- [Crowd] Whoa!(laughing)
- Rules of roasting.