It is Cyber Monday,the online shopping day
where you can throw awayall the money you saved
at the stores on Black Friday!
And congratulations, by the way,to those of you who survived
Black Friday, that capitalistspectacle where shoppers
from all walks of life cometogether to spread holiday cheer
and punch their fellow manin the (bleep) face
for a kid's toy.
Like these thrifty customers.
-Ready?-Yeah. -MAN: Yeah.
-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!-(indistinct shouting)
Wow. Look at those savings.
His life is half off!
-These... these... sons...-(applause)
Hey, no. Stop it, Pete. Stop it.
These poor S.O.B.strampling one another
like spooked buffaloto get a deal on
electronic Panini makers.
This is an American tradition,you guys.
But what about our neighborsto the north?
Check out this video postedby Suzette Belliveau.
This is how they do Black Fridayin Canada.
-Aah!-(applause and cheering)
See, these polite consumers--they may not have died
in a mall, but they will meettheir end years later
being gored by a moosewhile drinking Labatts
over an ice fishing hole,
-or, as Canadians call that,natural causes. -(laughter)
So, comedians, what are someannouncements
you would you hear over the P.A.at Canadian Black Friday?
-Peter Holmes.-Hi, Chris.
How about, "Attention Canadians.
"If you're out of cash,don't worry.
"We also accept check,credit card, firm handshakes,
-eye contact and tickles."?-(laughter, applause & cheering)
HARDWICK: All right, yeah.Points. Points.
Canadians, let us all enjoythis peace while it lasts,
because America will be attacking us very soon,
because President Trump
has a tiny, tiny,tiny, tiny penis.
(applause and cheering)
(with Canadian accent):Also, clean up on Aisle A.
-Come on, you guys.It was right there. -Yeah.
How would I not?
I'm never gonna be welcomed backin Canada again. Hari.
Attention, Canadians--$50 healthcare.
You sign up for healthcare,we give you $50.