Canadian Black Friday

Monday, November 28, 2016 11/28/2016 Views: 126

Pete Holmes, Hari Kondabolu and Joe DeRosa make in-store Black Friday announcements to polite Canadian shoppers. (2:31)

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It is Cyber Monday,the online shopping day

where you can throw awayall the money you saved

at the stores on Black Friday!

And congratulations, by the way,to those of you who survived

Black Friday, that capitalistspectacle where shoppers

from all walks of life cometogether to spread holiday cheer

and punch their fellow manin the (bleep) face

for a kid's toy.

Like these thrifty customers.

-Ready?-Yeah. -MAN: Yeah.

-No!-(overlapping shouting)

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!-(indistinct shouting)

(sighing):Oh!

Wow. Look at those savings.

His life is half off!

(laughter)

-These... these... sons...-(applause)

Hey, no. Stop it, Pete. Stop it.

-Uh... these...-(laughter)

These poor S.O.B.strampling one another

like spooked buffaloto get a deal on

electronic Panini makers.

This is an American tradition,you guys.

But what about our neighborsto the north?

Check out this video postedby Suzette Belliveau.

This is how they do Black Fridayin Canada.

-Oh, God!-(laughter)

-Aah!-(applause and cheering)

-Oh!-(whooping)

HARDWICK (laughing):Those...

See, these polite consumers--they may not have died

in a mall, but they will meettheir end years later

being gored by a moosewhile drinking Labatts

over an ice fishing hole,

-or, as Canadians call that,natural causes. -(laughter)

So, comedians, what are someannouncements

you would you hear over the P.A.at Canadian Black Friday?

-Peter Holmes.-Hi, Chris.

Hi, Peter.

How about, "Attention Canadians.

"If you're out of cash,don't worry.

"We also accept check,credit card, firm handshakes,

-eye contact and tickles."?-(laughter, applause & cheering)

HARDWICK: All right, yeah.Points. Points.

Very nice.

Joe DeRosa.

Canadians, let us all enjoythis peace while it lasts,

because America will be attacking us very soon,

because President Trump

has a tiny, tiny,tiny, tiny penis.

(applause and cheering)

HARDWICK:Points.

(with Canadian accent):Also, clean up on Aisle A.

-Uh...-(laughter)

-Come on, you guys.It was right there. -Yeah.

How would I not?

I'm never gonna be welcomed backin Canada again. Hari.

Attention, Canadians--$50 healthcare.

You sign up for healthcare,we give you $50.