Cathy Ladman - Cautious Drivers

Cathy Ladman & Bob Odenkirk Season 1, Ep 0109 02/24/1992 Views: 2,995

Cathy's mom is such a cautious driver, she's dangerous. (2:49)

GO AHEAD, JUST GUESS, COME ON.

FORTY-THREE?

THAT'S VERY GOOD,YOU'RE VERY GOOD.

60-- YOU'RE EXCELLENTAT THIS GAME.

OKAY, WE CAN STOP NOW,THANK YOU.

( scattered laughter )

I'M 36.

I AM-- DON'T I LOOK GOOD?

( light applause )

I HAVE... THANK YOU.

I HAVE DACRON IMPLANTS,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M 36, I'M NOT MARRIED,I GIVE UP.

REALLY, I WAS JUSTAT MY COUSIN'S WEDDING.

I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET.

I JUST TOOK IT HOMEAND REPOTTED IT.

I'M GETTING VERY OLD, BUT, SEE,WE'RE ALL GETTING OLD TOGETHER.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.

LIKE RIGHT NOW,WE JUST GOT OLDER

AND THEN, AGAIN.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

( laughter )

MY DAD'S GETTING OLD.

HE'S 72-- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HE'S STILL HANDSOME BUTHIS EYEBROWS ARE GOING CRAZY.

WHAT IS IT WITH GUYSAND THEIR EYEBROWS?

HE LOOKS LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST!

YOU KNOW, HE GOES TO SLEEP,HE WAKES UP:

"OOH, DAD, DID YOU TAKE A NAPOR DID YOU INVENT SOMETHING?"

MY MOM'S GETTING OLD, TOO--SHE'S 69.

SHE'S SO NERVOUS,SHE GASPS AT EVERYTHING.

( gasps )

"WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT?"

IT'S AIR, MOM.

IF YOU INHALE SLOWLY,IT WON'T HURT YOU.

SHE IS NERVOUS.

YOU SHOULD SEE HER DRIVE A CAR,SHE'S A MENACE TO SOCIETY.

"UH-OH, LOOK OUT,I THINK WE'RE MOVING!"

SHE'S ONE OF THOSE REALLYCAUTIOUS DRIVERS.

SHE'S TOO CAUTIOUS--IT'S DANGEROUS.

LIKE, WHEN MY MOTHER'SDRIVING ALONG

AND THERE'S A SIGN THAT SAYSTHE ROAD CURVES TO THE LEFT

SHE SIGNALS THAT WAY

JUST TO LET US KNOWSHE'S GOING THERE.

AND NOT INTO THE BRICK WALLAHEAD OF US.

SO MY FATHER YELLS AT HER

"GET AWAY, LET ME GETBEHIND THE WHEEL."

OH, GOD, MY FATHER DRIVESSO SLOWLY.

YOU KNOW WHEN DEER SEEMY FATHER'S CAR APPROACHING

THEY LINGER.

ONCE A COP STOPPED MY FATHER:

"SIR, DO YOU KNOW HOW FASTYOU WERE GOING?

THREE MILES AN HOUR."

"I'M SORRY, OFFICER,I GUESS I WAS A LITTLE ANXIOUS."

TO DO WHAT?

SIMULATE TIME-LAPSE PHOTOGRAPHY?

( scattered applause )

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING BEING IN THEBACK SEAT WITH THESE DRIVERS.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

"WE'LL GET THEREWHEN WE GET THERE.

"WHEN WE GET THERE,WE'RE PARKING VERY FAR...

"IN ARIZONA.

"AT A METER WITH TIME ON IT.

"THAT'S RIGHT, I'M NOT PARKINGIN THE LOT.

"IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.

THAT'S WHYTHEY CALL IT 'A LOT.'"

( laughter )