Let's roast! (bell dings)
- Earl is unlike anyone else.
Earl is willing to laugh at himself,
unlike anyone else.
Comedy, comedy is a vocation.
If you can make just one person laugh,
then you're better than Earl.
In fact if you're at home right now watching this
thinking, "I'd love to try comedy,"
then career-wise, you'reexactly where Earl is.
(crowd laughs)(glass shatters)
- Wow, Jimmy,
that lasted about as long as your last tax return.
Oh wait, you don't do those.
Jimmy you look like you worked at Hogwarts
which is what girls getwhen they (bleep) you.
(crowd cheers) (Jimmy laughs)
- Pretty good, pretty good.
I cannot believe your mother shared that with you.
Earl was born in California in 1967.
Abortion was made legalin California in 1967.
Those two events have to be linked.
He's like a walking advert for Planned Parenthood.
It looks likeFrankenstein beat AIDS.
- Jimmy whenever I see you
I expect to see David Beckham around you
'cause you're such a posh (bleep).
(crowd ohs and cheers)
- Well there's,
there's just no denying that.
Also I'm not sure if everyone will be aware of this
but Earl's grandfather
was a multi-millionairephilanthropist.
To give you an idea of how generous this man was,
he's been dead for 61years, and to this day,
he still pays the rent of a47-year-old loser he never met.
(air horn blows)
- Good one, Wave.
(air horn blows
- Jimmy's last name is Carr
because you can fit five guys comfortably inside of him.
- [Voiceover] Last joke.
Earl is actually part of the Kennedy clan
as if that familyhadn't suffered enough.
(crowd laughs and ohs)
I guess Rosemary Kennedy
wasn't the only one that had a lobotomy
and, typical Kennedy,
he's always shooting his mouth off.
(crowd ohs) (gun cocks)
- Jimmy I have to hand it to you,
you look really amazing.
I think the last decadeof running from your dad
has really paid off.
(bleep) (crowd laughs)
- It's Michael!
- Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael.
- Keep it goin'. - [Jimmy] C'mon, these guys.
- Jimmy Carr, Earl Skakel,
and that Wave.
- [Jimmy] The Wave?
- Jeffrey Roast, who ya got?
That was an (crowd chants)
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.- [Crowd] One more joke,
one more joke, one more joke, - [Jeffrey] Hold on, hold on.
- [Crowd] One more joke. - [Jeffrey] Hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
Let's judges weigh in before we--
- Well maybe we should have one more joke
and then the judges may will weigh in.
Not that I consider this a tie.
(crowd cheers)(air horns blow)
Maybe one more regulation joke.
- So you're saying you don't consider this a tie
but you would like to see one more joke, I'll allow it.
- I would still love to see one more joke.
- [Jeffrey] I'll allow it.
- Who doesn't like more jokes?
- Yeah. (Seth laughs)
- Okay, who wants to go first?
- Well his is gonnatake about ten minutes,
so I'll go first.
One more time, let's roast! (bell dings)
- Jimmy actuallypulled a lot of strings
to get into this battle.
The guys right up there
pretending his moments are human.
(crowd laughs lightly)
- One less joke, one less joke.
- Earl grew up in Bel-Air next to OJ Simpson
on a street with the Kardashians and Paris Hilton.
It must have been difficult
knowing you were the least talented.
(crowd ohs and applauds)
- Those bits were amazing.
Who'd you like in this one?
- First of all I'm giving a standing ovation
to both of these roasters.
That was an amazing roast battle.
(crowd applauds)(air horns blow)
- [Host] Everybody stand up, that was outstanding.
- Just some jokes.
Just some jokes.
- Thank you.
Be seated, be seated.
Who's ready to make their judgment?
Mr. Kimmel or Mr. Rogan?- I'll go first.
- You go.
- Again, both great.
I mean, obviously froma costuming standpoint,
Earl had the edge coming out.
I will say I thought there were a lot of great jokes
but I could not get past the clipboard.
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
But it was as if you were reading the jokes off the
It was like you were--
- That is exactly what was happening.
Your eyes did not deceive you there, that is.
- [James] Yeah, yeah.
- It didn't seem important enough to learn them.
- I know, it
I should have taken thatinto consideration, but
- I feel like
I feel like you read thejokes off the clipboard
whereas Earl pulled his from his very soul
and so I say, I think Earl won that round.
- Solid, solid.
Seth Rogen matters. Go ahead.
- I think it's tough.
I gotta start by saying it's tough
and you guys were both incredible and I loved it.
I think Jimmy had more like,
it was a more consistent level of wonderful jokes.
That was good. (crowd cheers)
However, I think that Earl brought me to higher highs.
And lower lows, ultimately.
But as someone wholikes to ride that wave
I'm gonna go with the higher highs.
The posh (bleep) and Hogwarts, wonderful jokes.
I'm gonna give it to Earl.
(crowd cheers and applauds)
- Go ahead, Jeff.
Your vote doesn't count, but go ahead.
- I do think thatEarl's posh (bleep) joke
was the best joke of the tournament so far.
You know what wasinteresting about this?
This is truly what Roast Battle is about.
Somebody with so much to prove,
somebody like Earl who's never been on television before,
who brought it tonight in a way,
that even as your friend(crowd laughs)
- I was in Real Rob with Rob Schneider.
- Even as your friend
I didn't think you could be as great as you were tonight.
Jimmy Carr, you're such a(bleep) good guy, a good sport,
to come out here and do this tournament.
- I love this show.
Love it. (crowd cheers)
Love the show. - [Jeff] Thank you, Jimmy.
What's not to like?
- Jimmy Carr,
you're a class act.
You're a class act all the way, dude.
Now I think Americans will see how funny you are
and know how funny you are.
- And that's what really counts.
- [Host] USA, USA,
- You literally forgot you were in Canada for the last
- No, that's not what I'm sayin' at all.
He won this tournament in Canada last year.
Now it's being broadcast in America for the first time.
People don't know Jimmy Carr when I say him in America.
Now they're gonna know this (bleep) guy
and he should be known.- Well, Jimmy.
What Jeff is saying is nobody knows who you are here.
But now they,
now that you've been on
Late Night @midnight. - Late Night Comedy Central.
Sure, this is a gamechanger for me, this is.
- You won't be able to go anywhere.
- This is huge.
- [Jeff] Alright, big shot.
- You were there.
- Jeff, you're not mad are you?
- Jimmy, I'm sorry, I take this very seriously.
- I know.
I'm just saying take it down a notch.
- In a major upset, Earl Skakel.
Hug each other, hug each other.