Jimmy Pardo - Duck Game

  • Season 6 , Ep 11
  • 06/30/2002
  • Views: 4,077

Picking a duck out of water is a suck-ass game for a 34-year-old. (3:24)

FOLKS GO TO CARNIVALS?

IS THAT SOMETHING YOU ENJOY

GOING TO DO?

CARNIVALS?

JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY AGAIN,

ALL RIGHT.

SIX OF YOU TRYING TO HELP,

THE REST OF YOU, "AH, NO."

"YEAH, WE DON'T DO ANYTHING

YOU DO."

"FACT, WE TALKED ABOUT IT.

WE'RE JUST GOING TO SIT BACK

RELAX AND WATCH YOU SWEAT FOR

25, 30 MINUTES."

THAT'S GOING TO BE A LOT MORE

FUN THAN AGREEING WITH YOU

EVERY NOW AND THEN.

NOW MOVE ON WITH YOUR SHOW

MR. L.A. FANCY PANTS.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS REALLY GOING

TO GET TIRESOME.

UM...

WERE YOU FOLKS NOT EXPECTING

SILLINESS WHEN YOU CAME TO THE

COMEDY SHOW TONIGHT?

I WAS RIGHT.

THESE PEOPLE ARE OVER HERE

LAUGHING LIKE IT'S A DEF JAM

SHOW.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU PEOPLE ARE STARING AT ME

LIKE I MEAN IT.

"OH, JESUS, THIS GUY IS AN

IDIOT."

HE'S GOT HIS HEAD SO FAR UP

HIS ASS HIS BODY'S A HAT."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

WHAT THE HELL WAS I TALKING

ABOUT?

CARNIVALS.

I LOVE GOING TO CARNIVALS.

I WENT TO THE CARNIVAL FOR

THE OBVIOUS REASON BY THE WAY,

I WAS A TRYING TO WIN MY

OLD LADY A DEF LEOPARD MIRROR.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, I ROCK.

I DISCOVERED SOMETHING AT

THE CARNIVAL.

THEY STILL HAVE THE SAME GAMES

TODAY, AS WHEN WE WERE KIDS.

YOU'D THINK WITH ALL THE

TECHNOLOGY, THAT THE CARNE WOULD

AT LEAST BRING IT UP TO 1982.

BUT HE DO NOT.

THEY STILL HAVE THIS GAME.

ALL IT IS, IS A BUNCH OF PLASTIC

DUCKS FLOATING AROUND IN WATER.

YOU PAY A DOLLAR, JUST TO GO...

(LAUGHTER)

"(BLEEP)!

I DIDN'T WIN!"

(APPLAUSE)

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?

THAT'S THE WHOLE GAME,

RIGHT THERE.

WHAT A SUCK ASS GAME WHEN YOU'RE

34 YEARS OLD.

AND THEY'RE ALWAYS FLOATING

AROUND IN A RUSTED OLD GUTTER,

RIGHT?

YEAH, WHAT'S MY PRIZE NOW?

TETANUS, THAT'S MY PRIZE.

YE OLE LOCKJAW AT CARNIVAL.

OH, COMEDY GOLD RIGHT THERE.

A LOT OF GUYS MIGHT CLOSE THERE.

I GOT PLENTY MORE PREPARED.

WHO WOULD CLOSE 10 MINUTES IN?

NOT ME, I'LL TELL YOU THAT

RIGHT NOW.

I GO THE FULL 30.

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S BRING IT DOWN.

THAT'S A GOOD CALL.

GOD FORBID WE GET A NICE ROLL

GOING IN HERE.

SAY HA-HA-HA, HE-HE-HE.

(LAUGHTER)

I LIKE TO RUN MY SHOW LIKE AN

REO SPEEDWAGON CONCERT.

WE ROCK IT OUT A LITTLE BIT

THEN WE SLOW IT DOWN.

I GIVE YOU RIDING THE STORM,

BOOM, CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

Loading...