Russ Meneve - More Love, Less War

  • Season 9 , Ep 10
  • 04/07/2005
  • Views: 2,218

WORLD, RIGHT, LESS WAR?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT GOD BLESS OUR SOLDIERS

FIGHTING FOR US 'CAUSE I'LL

TELL YOU RIGHT NOW I COULD

NEVER GO TO WAR MYSELF.

I'M SUCH A WOOS.

IF I EVER GOT CAUGHT I WOULD

BE THE WORST POW.

[FOREIGN ACCENT] "YOU WILL

TELL US WHERE THE SECRET

LOCATION IS."

"HEY, I'M NOT TELLING YOU GUYS

ANYTHING."

"THESE ARE THE EXACT

COORDINATES RIGHT HERE AND

WILL YOU GUYS BE NEEDING ANY

ORAL SEX WHILE I'M HERE?"

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WE CAUGHT THAT SADDAM.

THAT'S GOOD RIGHT?

YEAH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HE WAS LOOKING GOOD WHEN WE

GOT HIM.

I THOUGHT THEY PULLED SANTA

OUT OF A CRACK HOUSE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THEY STILL WANT HIM TO

MAKE A STATEMENT OF SURRENDER

BACK TO IRAQ.

IMAGINE THE AMERICAN INFLUENCE

ON THAT STATEMENT.

WE'LL PROBABLY HAVE PRODUCT

PLACEMENT IN THERE BECAUSE

WE'RE SUCH CAPITALISTIC PIGS.

[FOREIGN ACCENT] "PEOPLE OF

IRAQ, SURRENDER YOUR ARMS.

I'VE BEEN CAPTURED, THE COUNTRY

IS IN FIRE AND RUIN BUT THERE

IS SOME POSITIVE NEWS.

THANKS TO GEIKO, I AM GETTING

A HUGE BREAK ON MY CAR

INSURANCE."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT DID YOU GUYS SEE THE FIRST

GUY THEY WANTED TO PUT IN

THERE IN THE INTERIM GOVERNMENT

AFTER SADDAM?

YOU KNOW WHAT THE FIRST GUY'S

NAME WAS?

DR. HUSSEIN AL SHARISTARY.

IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT

HUSSEIN IS NOT THE NEW GUYS

NAME?

IMAGINE AFTER WORLD WAR II,

SO ENDS THE HORRIBLE REGIME OF

ADOLF HITLER.

HIS SUCCESSOR, ADOLF SCMITLER...

[LAUGHTER]

BEST KNOWN FOR HIS BOUT WITH

BRONCHITIS NOVEL, "MY COUGH"...

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

WILL TAKE OFFICE NEXT WEEK.

BUSH IS DOING HIS BEST...

YOU KNOW IT'S HARD TO WATCH

PRESIDENT BUSH SPEAK THOUGH,

ISN'T IT?

ISN'T IT HARD?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S TRYING TO

READ OFF OF THAT TELEPROMPTER

AND INSERT THE APPROPRIATE

FACIAL EXPRESSION INTO EACH

LINE.

YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO BALANCE

THAT?

HE'S LIKE "THE PEOPLE OF

ERA-Q ARE FREE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

A LOT OF THESE COUNTRIES DON'T

LIKE US.

IT'S NOT JUST THE MIDDLE EAST,

WHO ELSE?

WE DROPPED THOSE BOMBS ON JAPAN

NOW THEY'RE USING THEIR SUPER

HOT DOG EATING POWERS AGAINST

US, HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?

[LAUGHTER]

AND RUSSIA NEVER LIKED US,

BUT WHO CARES, WHAT DID RUSSIA

EVER GIVE US, THAT STINKING

DRESSING?

WE HAD KETCHUP AND MAYONNAISE

THE WHOLE TIME PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT I'LL TELL YOU I WENT OUT

WITH A RUSSIAN GIRL.

THEY'RE ALWAYS TOUTING HOW MUCH

BETTER THEIR COUNTRY IS,

MEANWHILE THEY'RE LIVING HERE.

HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?

SHE WAS LIKE "RUSSIA'S BETTER

'CAUSE YOU AMERICAN'S ARE

BLAH BLAH BLAH AND RUSSIA'S

VEH VEH VEH..."

"YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T

YOU GO BACK TO RUSSIA, WHERE

YOU HAVE TO PEE ON EACH OTHER

FOR HEAT?

WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT,

ALL RIGHT?"

YEAH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"DO I HAVE TO SIT YOU DOWN TO

WATCH ROCKY IV AGAIN TO SHOW

YOU WHO THE SUPERIOR RACE IS?"

[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

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