Kyle Kinane - Staying Weird

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 04/28/2011
  • Views: 37,070

While everyone else is growing up, Kyle Kinane's friend Greg is like Davy Crockett defending the Alamo of good times. (3:44)

WELL, I DON'T KNOWIF I'M ENJOY--

I'M ENJOYING WATCHINGMY FRIENDS GET OLDER,

LIKE,ESPECIALLY THE WEIRD ONES.

I'M REALLY HAVING A GOOD--I MEAN,

THE FRIENDS THAT GET OLDERAND JUST HAVE KIDS,

THAT'S A DRAG,BUT THE ONES THAT WERE--

THE ONES THAT WERE KIND OF WEIRDWHERE YOU'RE ALL LIKE,

"COME ON, DRINK SOME DISH SOAP.COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN,"

LIKE THOSE ONES ARE JUST GOING,BOOM,

WAY OUT OF ORBIT RIGHT NOW,AND THAT IS A GREAT TIME.

WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR 30s,AND YOU GOT FRIENDS GOING--

I GOT TO GO SEE MY FRIEND GREGEVERY TIME I GO BACK TO CHICAGO

'CAUSE HE'S THE ONE GUYTHAT'S LIKE, "(bleep) IT, MAN.

I'M STAYING CRAZY,"AND I'M LIKE, "YES,

I NEED YOU TO BE HERE.I NEED HIM THERE."

HE IS LIKE DAVY CROCKETT

DEFENDING THE ALAMOOF GOOD TIMES WHEN I GO BACK.

HE'S JUST ON THE RIDGEWITH A RIFLE.

"WHAT DO YOU GOT A MORTGAGE,2.5 KIDS?

"(bleep) THAT, MAN,I GOT A STUDIO APARTMENT

"THAT JUST HAS ELECTRIC GUITARSAND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS IN IT.

THAT'S HOW I'M DOING IT, MAN.STAYING WEIRD."

GREG--TO SUM UP GREG QUICKLY,

GREG LAST SUMMER BROKE HIS ARM'CAUSE HE FELL OF HIS BICYCLE

'CAUSE HE WAS TRYINGTO TEXT MESSAGE SOMEBODY

ABOUT THE BEST HASH BROWNSHE FOUND IN THE CITY.

(laughter)

NOW, IF YOU'RE GONNA BETHAT DEDICATED

THE ALTERNATIVE MODES OFTRANSPORTATION

AND DELICIOUS BREAKFAST SIDES,SHINE ON, YOU CRAZY DIAMOND.

DON'T YOU EVER CHANGE, MAN.

YOU STAY NUTS, BUDDY.

HE, UH--

HE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYSTHAT NO MATTER WHAT HE'S SAYING

TO ANYBODY,JUST WALK RIGHT UP TO HIM

AND LISTEN IN'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GET A GEM.

TWICE IN ONE NIGHTI GOT LUCKY.

IT WAS TWICE IN ONE NIGHT.

I WALKED--WE'RE ALL MEETINGAT THIS BAR

AND I GET THERE EARLYAND HE'S EARLY

AND NOBODY'S EVEN DRUNK YETAND HE'S JUST GOT--

HE'S ALREADYGOT SOMEBODY CORNERED.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE'SGOT CORNERED, BUT I WALK BY,

AND THIS IS WHAT COMESOUT OF HIS MOUTH

JUST AT THAT MOMENT,JUST WHEN I'M WALKING BY,

HE JUST GOES, "YEAH,SO THEN I DROP MY TOBLERONE

"INTO MY SPOKES AND MY CHOCOLATESPILLED OUT ALL OVER THE STREET.

THAT'S WHY I MISSEDMY FLIGHT."

(laughter)

TO BREAK THAT DOWN,

GREG WAS RIDING HIS BIKETO THE AIRPORT.

YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT!

AIRPORTSAREN'T BY ANYTHING.

YOU CAN'T--THERE'S NO BIKE RACKSAT AN AIRPORT.

WHAT DO YOU DOWITH YOUR LUGGAGE?

HIS ONLY LUGGAGE WAS A NOVELTY

TRIANGULARLY-SHAPEDCHOCOLATE BAR,

THE LIKES OF WHICHI'VE ONLY SEEN FOR SALE

AT THE DUTY-FREE SHOPIN AN AIRPORT.

THE MAN IS A RIDDLE.

(laughter)

NIGHT'S GOING ON.I WAS HAVING SOME DRINKS.

MUSIC'S GOING.IT'S CROWDED.

I SEE HIMON THE OTHER SIDE OF BAR,

AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'SKINDA GETTING INTO AN ARGUMENT,

KIND OF HEATED, LIKE,I GOT TO HEAR SOME OF THIS.

SO I TRY TO MAKEMY WAY OVER THERE.

I BARELY MAKE IT THREE STEPSBEFORE I SEE GREG,

HE GOES BACK AT HIS HELLS INFRONT OF THIS GUY,

AND LOUD ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODYIN THE BAR TO HEAR

OVER THE JUKEBOX,JUST BACK ON HIS HEELS,

HE JUST GOES,"LISTEN, DUDE,

NOBODY GOES TO SPACE CAMPALL THE TIME, OKAY?"

(laughter)

YOU GOT ME.

I HAVE NO IDEA--YOU CAN--YOU CAN GIVE ME A BAG OF MONEY

AND SAY WHAT WOULD LEAD TO GREGNOT ONLY HAVING TO SAY THAT

BUT BE UPSET ABOUT IT?

(laughter)

PUSH THAT BAG OF MONEYRIGHT BACK.

I HAVE NO (bleep) IDEAIN THIS WORLD.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENEDIN THAT CONVERSATION,

THE THING ISTHAT SENTENCE,

"NOBODY GOES TO SPACE CAMPALL THE TIME,"

IS UNDENIABLY TRUE.

(laughter)

THAT'S WHAT HE GOT OUTOF THE NIGHT.

HE GOT TO YELL"NOBODY GOES TO SPACE CAMP

ALL THE TIME"ON HIS TERMS.

(laughter)

AND THEN HE RODE HIS BIKE HOMEWITH CHOCOLATES

AND HOPEFULLYHE DIDN'T BREAK HIS ARM.

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