Nate Bargatze - Marriage Is Like a Mosh Pit

  • Season 15 , Ep 6
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 11,002

Nate Bargatze has been married for four years now and it's getting pretty serious. (2:05)

SO I'M MARRIED.

SO WE HAVE A LOT OF MARRIEDPEOPLE HERE TONIGHT?

A FEW, SOME--THAT'S FUN.

IT'S FUN--I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE BEEN MARRIEDFOUR YEARS NOW AND, UH,

IT-IT'S GETTING PRETTYSERIOUS, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

[audience laughing]

A LOT... A LOT MORESERIOUS THAN I THOUGHT.

I ALWAYS HAVE, LIKEI GOT OTHER BUDDIES

THAT ARE GETTINGMARRIED NOW.

SO THEY ALWAYS LIKEWANNA COME TALK TO ME.

SO, LIKE,I ALWAYS TELL THEM.

THEY'RE LIKE,"WHAT'S IT LIKE?"

I'M LIKE,"HERE'S WHAT IT IS."

I'LL JUSTTELL EVERYBODY.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE-- DOYOU EVER GO TO A CONCERT

AND YOU SEEA MOSH PIT?

AND YOU'RE LIKE,"YOU KNOW WHAT?

"I'M GONNA GO GETIN THAT MOSH PIT."

[audience laughing]

BUT THEN, ONCEYOU GET IN IT,

YOU'RE LIKE, "I DO NOT WANNABE IN THIS MOSH PIT, AT ALL.

"I AM GONNA LEAVEAND GO GET SOME BEER."

THEN THE MOSH PIT'S LIKE,"DIDN'T YOU DRINK LAST NIGHT?"

"ALL RIGHT, MOSH PIT, WHYDON'T YOU GET OFF MY BACK

"AND LET MELIVE MY LIFE.

[audience laughing]

WHY?

MY WIFE'S GOOD, THOUGH.

SHE PUT UP-- SHE PUT UPTHROUGH A TON WITH ME.

LIKE SHE-- I REMEMBER THREEMONTHS INTO OUR-OUR MARRIAGE.

ONE NIGHT, I CAME HOME ANDI WAS LIKE REALLY DRUNK.

I WAS HAMMERED ANDI KNOW SHE LOVES THAT, SO...

[audience laughing]

I SPOILED HERA LITTLE BIT.

I'M LIKEA PRETTY DECENT GUY.

SO... WE GO TO BEDAND, UH, ALL RIGHT--

I'LL BE HONEST WITHYOU-- I PEED THE BED.

[audience laughing]

YEAH--I SHOULDN'T HAVE.

I WAS PRETTYGOOD, THOUGH.

I KINDA, LIKE,BLAMED IT ON HER.

LIKE I... I REMEMBERI JUST WOKE UP AND I GO,

"HEY, UH, WHAT'SWET, ALL RIGHT?

"DID YOU POUR A PERFECTCIRCLE OF WATER UNDERNEATH ME?

"A FLAWLESS CIRCLE?"

[audience laughing]

SHE... SHE WAS LIKE,"NO, YOU PEED THE BED.

"WHAT IS WRONGWITH YOU?

"DID I MARRY YOUOR DID I HAVE YOU?

"I HAVE NO IDEA...AT THIS POINT."

[applause]

Loading...