- [SCATTERED APPLAUSE]- YEAH. GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
IT'S NOT THAT--I WISH I COULD.
LIKE I ALWAYS WISH I COULD TELL JOKES
LIKE ABOUT BUSH OR SOMETHING, BUT I DON'T CARE.
LIKE IS THAT BAD? LIKE MY FRIEND'S WILL ALWAYS GUILT TRIP ME.
THEY'LL SAY "DID YOU SEE WHAT BUSH SAID TODAY? DID YOU SEE HIS SPEECH?"
"NO." "HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT?"
"I GUESS I GOT MORE CHANNELS THAN YOU DO, DUDE,
'CAUSE IT WASN'T ON NICKELODEON. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT."
"OH, WHAT ABOUT THE EDUCATION SYSTEM AND GAY MARRIAGE?"
"I ALREADY GRADUATED. I'M NOT GONNA MARRY A DUDE, ALL RIGHT? I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T WHY THIS IS SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND."
I HAVEN'T BEEN WATCHINGANYTHING FOR A WHILE.
YOU EVER HAVE THIS PROBLEM?
MY CABLE WENT OUT LIKE TEN WEEKS AGO.
AND THE CABLE COMPANY DOESN'T CARE.
LIKE, I CALL 'EM I'M LIKE, "YEAH. I GOT FUZZ.
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING?"
"WELL, WE CAN'T COME OUT TONIGHT. HA, HA.
"WE CAN COME OUT ON MONDAY BETWEEN 10:00AM AND THURSDAY.
- ARE YOU GONNA BE HOME?" - [LAUGHTER]
"YEAH. I'LL PROBABLY BE HOME, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY TV.
DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM?" "MAYBE IT'S NOT YOUR CABLE."
THEN HE ASKSTHESE STUPID QUESTIONS."IS YOUR TV PLUGGED IN?"
"I WILL [BLEEP] STAB YOU. ALL RIGHT?
"I SWEAR TO GOD. WHO UNPLUGS A TV EVER?
"YOU PLUG IT IN ONCE AND IT STAYS THAT WAY 'TIL YOU [BLEEP] MOVE.
"THERE COULD BE A NESTOF POSSUMS BEHIND MY TV.
"I WOULDN'T KNOW IT, 'CAUSE I DON'T GO BACK THERE.
"YEAH, I WAS GONNA TURN IT OFF WITH THE REMOTE, BUT THEN I THOUGHT,
"'YOU KNOW WHAT? IT MIGHT TURN ON BY ITSELF, SO I THOUGHT I'D GO AHEAD
"AND UNPLUG IT TO QUELL THAT STORM.'
"ALL RIGHT. YEAH. I'M RETARDED.
I DON'T KNOW IF I MENTIONED THAT WHEN I CALLED."
[LAUGHTER]
I GOT TO GO OVER TO MY FRIEND'S HOUSE TO WATCH TV.
ALL MY FRIENDS DO IS WATCH PORN. WHAT IS IT WITH GUYS?
I'M ALL FOR PORN, BUT DON'T SHARE IT.
I GO OVER TO MY FRIEND'S HOUSE.
"DUDE, I GOT THIS KILLER NEW PORN, YOU WANNA WATCH IT?"
NOT TOGETHER, REALLY, THAT'S WEIRD, DUDE.
WHAT'S THAT GONNA DO FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP?
AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING COLOGNE RIGHT NOW? THAT'S GAY?