Speed Roasting - Sit on My Facebook - Uncensored

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 08/21/2012
  • Views: 23,361

Marc Maron, Gilbert Gottfried and Russell Peters help Jeff Ross roast his audience. (2:52)

-I'm taking volunteers.

Who wants to be speed roasted?

What's your name?

-Nick.

-You're not in the army.

Relax.

You're like Tom Cruise ifhe was missing a chromosome.

What do you do, Nick?

-Work in a grocery store.

-All right.

Well, you're certainlydressed for it.

MARC MARON: That's thesaddest thing I've ever heard.

-Are you a big fanof comedy, Nick?

NICK: Yeah.

-Mark, are you abig fan of Nick?

-Absolutely.

Whatever you got goingthere is not working.

-Who are you here with today?

-These two guys.

-Oh, really?

Where'd you guys meet?

Sit on My Facebook?

Let's talk to this.

Stand up, you bigfucking hunk of shit.

What's your name?

-Larry.

-Larry.

MARC MARON: What'syour real name?

LARRY: Juan.

-You're the most Filipinolooking Mexican ever.

Somewhere there's Filipinofamily wondering why

their kid's so goodwith a leaf blower.

-Are we related?

-I'm Indian.

-Stand up.

Stand up.

You pointed with your nipples.

Is that what you said?

RUSSELL PETERS: Shejust kept swinging 'em.

JEFF ROSS: Russell, that's gotyou all over it right there.

RUSSELL PETERS: It could.

-What's your name, babe?

-Stephanie.

-Stephanie.

Yeah?

RUSSELL PETERS: That won't work.

That's my ex-wife's middle name.

MARC MARON: You reallygot to hate your ex-wife

to be put off bythe middle name.

-Stand up for a second.

MARC MARON: All right, sit down.

-Do you guys know each other?

That's your girlfriend?

Lucky guy about three years ago.

You look fantastic.

What's your name?

Weird Al?

-Israel.

-What's that?

-Israel.

-Israel.

Holy shit.

RUSSELL PETERS: No wonder thePalestinians want to kill you.

-I think he's hidingsome matzo in his hair.

What do you do for a living?

-Uh, repair forklifts.

-Repair forklifts.

Oh, you must know Oprah.

What's that?

-She's too heavyfor the forklift.

-I'll do the jokesthere, Weird Al, OK?

Fellas, anything?

-Yeah, maybe thetwo of you should

do some dusting with your heads.

-Oh, you're a good sport.

Good luck with your personality.

So much fun.

Thank you to everybodywho got speed-roast.

Give them some love.

You're all good sports.

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