- I want thisto be an art form.
I want comedy to be takenas an art form.
I feel I putjust as much heart
and blood, sweat,and tears into this
as any musician
or any sculptor.
And I want itto be appreciated as such.
[cheers and applause]
But then I was in a van withmy friends not too long ago,
and I unsolicitedly justannounced--
I said, "Hey, guys, these fartsare like contractions
for the turd babyI'm gonna have later."
And that's whyI'm not an artist.
I can't believe I made itanywhere creatively, though,
because I was raised
by two lovingand supportive parents,
and nothing squashes creativitymore than unconditional love
and supportfrom a functional household.
If you have kids, [bleep] ontheir dreams a little bit.
Not all the way, but enough.
Give 'em some friction.
You need to give 'emsomething to fight against.
I was supposed to be a musician,but I didn't get that friction.
I wanted to be a musician.
16 years old, just,
"I'm starting a punk rock band!Screw you guys!"
My mom's like, "Oh, youcan practice in the basement.
I'll make chili dipfor your friends."
I think there'ssome credit due to anybody
that made itout of the suburbs
because that'sa creeping oppression
that you don't realize.
It's not a glaring,clear oppression.
I mean, you grow upin the inner city
and that's bulletswhizzing over your head.
You're like, "I'm just gonnajoin a gang and deal drugs,
"and I'm gonna get shot rightin front of my mama's house.
And that's how lifeis in the streets."
But there's the one guy like,"No, I'm gonna be a playwright,
"and I'm gonna take this storyto Broadway.
And I'm gonna make it.I'm gonna get out of here."
But you grow up in the suburbs,and it's just like,
"Well, we can drive aroundsmoking pot,
"talking aboutthat philosophy class
"that we tookat community college.
"And, you know, if you keepordering stuff at Denny's,
"they can't kick you out.
"So, as long as we--as longas we get, like, coffee--
"If we get, like,coffees or French fries,
"we can just hang out thereuntil, like--
Holy [bleep], I'm 35!"You know, you don't--
You don't realizethat it's right there.