Keith Robinson - Little Keith

Tough Crowd Stands Up with Colin Quinn Season 1, Ep 0101 12/08/2002 Views: 3,730

Most men are rough with their sons so they won't be gay. (2:11)

THAT'S WHAT I TRY TO TEACH HIM,

HOW TO BE, HOW TO ROLL.

HIS NAME IS LITTLE KEITH

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

BIG KEITH, LITTLE KEITH,

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!

DON'T LET YOUR WIFE, GIRLFRIEND

PIMP YOU INTO NAMING YOUR SON

SOMEBODY ELSE'S DAMN NAME.

MY SON'S MOM, SHE WANTED ME

TO NAME MY SON AFTER WHO SHE

FANTASIZES ABOUT HAVING A SON

WITH.

[LAUGHTER]

"WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD NAME

HIM DENZEL."

WHAT THE HELL?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DAMN!

YOU BETTER GO SLEEP WITH DENZEL

THEN.

THAT'S MY SON.

I DON'T DO HOMEWORK AND PUT

SOMEBODY ELSE'S NAME ON IT.

THAT'S BULL(BLEEP)!

TAKE YOUR TIME.

THINK ABOUT THAT.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

AND I'M ROUGH WITH MY SON,

I'M ROUGH WITH HIM, MOST MEN

ARE, MOST MEN ARE ROUGH WITH

THEIR SONS, 'CAUSE WE'RE STUPID!

'CAUSE WE THINK IF WE ROUGH WITH

THEM, THEY WON'T BE GAY.

THAT'S OUR MINDSET.

I USED TO JUST WALK IN OUT OF

NOWHERE AND JUST TACKLE MY SON.

[LAUGHTER]

"GAAAAARRRR!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

GET UP!

HE'S LOOKING, "WHAT THE HELL IS

YOUR PROBLEM?"

YOU KNOW WHAT GOT ME ALL THAT

TOUGH GUY STUFF, MAN, MY SON WAS

5 YEARS-OLD, GOT HIM A LITTLE

BATMAN OUTFIT, FULL BATMAN

OUTFIT.

BOOTS, TIGHTS, BATMAN STUFF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HE RUNNIN' AROUND THE HOUSE,

YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT LITTLE KIDS ARE CLUMSY,

HE ENDED UP RUNNING RIGHT INTO

A COFFEE TABLE.

OOH.

MY SON, HE STARTED CRYING,

TEARS IN HIS EYES, YA KNOW.

AND LIKE ANY GOOD DAD, I LAUGHED

AT HIS ASS, RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE IT WAS SO FUNNY TO SEE

BATMAN CRY LIKE THAT.

"WHAT'S WRONG, BATMAN?

OH, THE CAPE CRUSADER CAN'T TAKE

A COFFEE TABLE?"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]