- [mimicking news flash music]
News!Good evening, folks.
And welcometo Shit[bleep]shit[bleep] News.
I'm Boot[bleep] McGillicutty.
Tonight's top story:
Well, folks, the weekendis fast approaching,
and the one questionon everyone's mind is:
Our own Ruth Dicksby has more.
You got something for us?
- Thanks, Boot[bleep]!
Looks like we got
a real humdingerof a storm moving in.
It's bad newsfor backyard barbecues,
but it's good news for tiny ratsin newspaper boats!
- Look at his little hat.
So frickin' cute.
I just want to squishhis brains out!
And now it's timefor The Sports Report!
Old Shitsticksis running for his life,
but, oh, the dirty pigis outrunning him!
30 feet, 20 feet...
Oh, he's gaining on him.
And, oh, my,a devastating tackle!
I can see bone.
Back to you guysin the studio.
Now, as many of you know,
the chemtrailcontroversy is real.
We're joined nowby our eye in the sky
to give us the scoop.
Please welcome Scrapey!
- Hello, Boot[bleep].
- Now, Scrapey,you spend all day
with your headin the clouds, literally!
What can you tell us?
- It's terrible!
All day long,planes fly back and forth
dumping chemicalsall over the city.
- But why wouldthey do this?
- Because of Obamacare!
- Makes sense to me!
Oh, Scrapey, I'm sorry.Hold on a minute.
I'm getting wordthat that big game
is going into overtime!
- People, people, please.
I'm sure we can all find
a common groundof love and peace.
- Stop it! Stop fighting!
This is why I havea drug problem!
That concludesour broadcast.
Have a great night--[screaming]
And a pleasant tomorrow!
[groaning and gibbering]
- This is goingto get a ton of hits.