Last month I wasdating a woman I met
on Google Earth, and, uh...(laughter)
I totally recommend that.
Good way to meet chicks
and learn geographyat the same time.
It's cool, man.
Drinking up, dude?
Cool, man. How's it going?
I don't drink.
I'm a role modelfor children.(laughter)
What are you drinking,dude? Beer?
Yeah, I don't do that, man.Cool.
What's your name, man?
Dan? I'm gonna call you Steve.Cool.(laughter)
What do you do?I'm the world champion.
What do you do, Steve?
I'm a banker.
You're a banker?Cool. That's where the money is.
You know karate?
No? You're (bleep) dead, dude.
I'm an extra-dark black belt.
I studied karate onlineat DeVry for six weeks.(laughter)
Do not mess with me.Cool.
Got your cell phoneon the table? Cool, baby.
How many minutes a monthdo you get?(laughter)
How many minutesa month do you get?
1,500 minutes a month?Cool.
I get 1,700 minutes--every 60 seconds.(laughter)
Plus nights and weekendsdouble unlimited.
And I still go over.
I got that much (bleep)going on.
It's pretty cool.
No other martial artists heretonight besides me?
I could probably kickthis whole crowd's ass
with my left nut,
and that's the weakerof my seven nuts.
Anyone who knows me, knowsmy third nut to the right
is the power nut. Cool.(laughter)
Anyone getting laid tonight?Yeah?
A couple sluts in the corner.Cool. Awesome.
You guys work out? Yeah?
Do you guys hate yourselvesor something?
You don't care aboutyour bodies?(laughter)
I work out nine hoursa day, dude.
I shoulder press 650 pounds,
while running on the treadmillat level ten,
at the steepest incline.
And my treadmill hasa hurdle on it.
There's a hurdleright in the middle.
I got to run, leap over it,land, duck, slide under it.
And it's all underwater, too,the whole thing.
Got to hold my breathfor nine hours straight.
I weight-lift weightlifterswhile they're lifting weights.
Any military here tonight?Yeah?
Just me again? Cool.(laughter)
I'm a Navy SEAL.
That turning you on, baby?
I'm a Navy SEAL.
465 confirmed kills.
And that's not even countingmilitary action.
That's just (bleep) aroundin the parking lot
with bottle rocketsand nunchucks.
I'm a lethal weapon, man.
You guys want to seeme do a karate move?
You want to see one? Yeah?(cheering)
I just did it-- you missed it.(laughter)
I'm too fast, man.
And you have nokarate skills, dude,
and you're this close to me?
You must have a death wish,dude.
Where you from?
New Jersey.New Jersey?
Worst karate schoolsin the country, dude.(laughter)
Even if you knew karate,it wouldn't matter, man.
A black belt from Jerseyis like a light-pink belt
in any other state. Seriously.
I'm gonna mess you upafter the show.