EMCEE: Ladies andgentlemen, Sean O'Connor!
Well, this is my energy.
Let's get used to it.
My pre-show rituals are Ijust pace back and forth,
I smoke like athousand cigarettes,
and sometimes I don'tgo to the shows.
Trust me, his interviewsare way better.
Did you guys know a bird isthe only animal you can throw,
and you're helping it?
I remember the first jokeI ever told on stage.
It was at the Stress Factoryin New Brunswick, New Jersey,
and I told a joke about how weremember the guy who invented
Windows, Bill Gates,but why don't we
remember the guywho invented doors?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no?
It-- it went aswell as you could
imagine the worstjoke ever going.
You are on, Sean.
I didn't do well my entirefirst year of comedy.
Someone told me to not doany of the jokes I was doing.
Like, he watchedme do five minutes
and he's like, hey, get rid ofall of that and be yourself.
Because I started inNew Jersey, and everyone
there is, like, very,like, edgy and dirty,
and then I'm the most awkwardperson in the entire world.
So I was just beingawkward and dirty,
which is like theworst combination.
And he told me to quit.
I'm like, I know whatyou mean-- not quit.
The worst heckler I everhad, I was in Atlanta
and I was doing great.
But there was one guy inthe front row who hated me.
What the fuck is your problem?
And then I won somehow,like I won to the point
where everyone was,like, cheering.
And he got up on thestage, and I'm like,
"I am about to getpunched in the face
just because I couldn'tshut my mouth."
And he handed me $20.
But he's the worst.
When I get back, we're goingto have a 20-minute talk
about boundaries, so stay tight!
If my parents reviewed mystand-up, they'd be like,
"I am so proud of him.
He is just a sweet boy goingup there doing sweet things."
-What are you gonna dowith all your pussy?
I don't know, probably eat it.
"I closed my ears during mostof it, but he's a sweet boy."
-Thank you guys.
I'm Sean O'Connor.
Have a good night.