Tone Bell - Meeting Babies

Tone Bell Season 4, Ep 13 11/28/2015 Views: 3,084

Tone Bell explains why he didn't want to meet his cousin's newborn baby, especially after the proud father texted him a photo of the infant. (2:07)

I got a cousin who just,like, doing the right way.

My cousin Gary's, like,

married, bought a house,got a kid.

I'm in St . Louis, I'm downtown.

I'm, like,"Yo, man, I'm downtown.

Come have a beer with me."

He's like, "Man,come out to the house.

Come see the baby."

I'm like, "Nah."

(laughter)

He's like, "You don'twant to see the baby?"

I was like, "I-I don't."

He's like, "Why?"

I'm like, "I-I seen one."

What does it do?

Does it do new stuff?

It's brand-new.Does it do tricks?

I'm pretty sure it don't do shityet, you know what I mean?

But is it missing something?

Because if it's missingsomething, I'm on my way.

I gotta see that. I have...I must, must see.

'Cause people, you know,any time people do new stuff

they want you to care about ithow they care about it.

I'm like, "Look, man,I just don't care like you."

Stop care-raping me.

Don't make me care againstmy will, you know what I mean?

It's awkward.It's awkward.

'Cause, like,right when it happened,

couple months ago,right when it happened,

you know, people always send,he sends, uh,

he sends a picture,he sends me a text right away,

he send me a text.

"Hey, Tone,we just had the baby.

7 pounds, 8 ounces.Can't believe I'm a dad."

Happy for him.Send him a text right back.

"Hey, man, got to behonest with you.

I don't know how much babiesare supposed to weigh."

That sounds likea good amount, though.

Is that about average?

'Cause if it's average,you did that shit, man.

I'm proud of you.

But I'm a single dude.I don't know.

Give it to mein something I know.

Like, how many Whoppers is that?Is that, like, four Whoppers?

That's some good weight.

And then I say, "congrats,"'cause I'm a nice dude.

And mainly 'cause I cannot spell"congratulations" to save my...

I just dothe abridged version.

And then right before I pressed"send" on the congrats,

he sends a picture, and...

and let me tell you something--it was too quick.

It was too quick.

Like, like it wasfresh out, okay?

Like, it was still hot.There's steam coming off of it.

I'm, like, "Yo, man,

you better wipe that mother(bleep) off first."

Dip it in some water.Take a ShamWow to it.

You...

Clean it up, clean it up.

Why are there hot Cheetosall over your baby?

Ugh.