John Ramsey - Passwords

Season 2, Ep 0205 05/31/2007 Views: 4,850

Every e-mail password has its own requirements. (2:24)

I think we're goinga little overboard

with security these days.

I'm not talking about theairport. I understand that.

I'm talking about the Internet.

The e-mail passwordrequirements--

I think they're gettinga little out of hand.

I tried to getan e-mail address recently.

I was rejected by the server

because my passwordcontained an English word in it.

I'm not arguingwith the server.

Technically, there wasan English word in my password.

But, if someone can just guess

that my passwordis carebearstare1980.

Like, I don't really careabout my e-mail at that point.

I want themto stop reading my mind.

You know,it's not just e-mail either.

I've got PayPal,I've got MySpace,

I've got 9,000 passwords,all with their

special requirements.

Like, I sit downto log into any account,

and three monkeysin a room of typewriters

have a better chance ofproducing my password than I do.

I've always gotto do my research beforehand.

Be, like, what kind of moodwas I in the year 2001?

You know, check the password

requirements, thinkingthat will jog my memory.

This password mustbe at least 30 characters,

no more than 40 characters,

form a complete sentence usingimproper subject-verb agreement,

and contain at leastone Hebrew character.

What did I put for that one?

The boy were running, alef.

Damn it! Arrgh!

Mooses am huge, selah.

Damn it!Is it meese? I don't even know.

It's like I have a meese,mooses, meesum and moosai.

They're, like,if you don't know your password,

why don't we juste-mail this to you?

I'm, like, no, I don't knowmy Hotmail password.

This does me no good.

But I'm there,so I've got to try.

Care bear stare 1980.

Damn it!

Cap Lock. CAREBEARSTARE1980.Damn it!

Capital "C"arebearstare1980.

Damn it! Capital "C"areCapital "B"earstare1980.

Damn it!CarebearstareS-T-A-I-R1980.

Damn it!Of course, now I've done it.

I've put inone too many passwords,

and they've got to shut me downin case I'm a Russian spy

trying to figure outAmerican mortgage rates.

So they ask me,"Would you like to answer

your secretsecurity password question?"

I think, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Surely,I can answer a question

posed by a slightly younger me.


"What's your pet peeve?"

Oh, passwords! Damn it!Capital P-asswords!

All right, thank you, guys.

(cheers and applause)