So, how about this?
A miniseries where I playa handsome astronaut
who ages in reverse?
Great talking to you,James Cameron...'s assistant.
Oh, my God.You scared me.
Don't bring up God,okay?
I'm the devil.Remember?
You're not gettingmy soul.
You haven't lived upto your end of the bargain.
What are you talking about?
You're a famous, hot person.That was the deal.
No. The deal was I'd bea famous movie star.
You're one of the biggestmovie stars of all time.
I loved youin "Edge of Tomorrow."
That was Tom Cruise.
Shit. Really?He was great.
But anyway,I just wanted to say
have fun tonight,but I got to head out.
You're not staying?No. I hate roasts.They're too mean.
Oh, well,do you have any advice?Yes.
Take everything personally,open with your best rape joke,
and if the night goes slow,just go into the audience,
grab a baby,and slap it.
Wait a minute.That's terrible advice.
What can I say?I give terrible advice.
I'm a terrible guy,
just like that characteryou played in "Topic Thunder."
-That was Tom Cruise.-I did it again.
So, after tonight,you're taking my soul?
No. I can't.
You already sold your soulwhen you did
those stupidDirecTV commercials.
Now go on out thereand give as good as you get.
[ Sighs ]All right.
Hey, "RoLo,"I got to come clean.
I know I look amazing,but I'm not the devil.[ Somber music plays ]
This is a fake tail.
This --This comes off.
I am weird-eyed and barely funnytelevision's Amy Poehler.
Five years agoon "Parks and Rec,"
we thought it would befunny to pull this prank,but it feels mean now.
[ Chuckles ]Good try...
[ Sighs ]
God bless that beautiful dummy.
No live-tweeting this bitch.
[ Cheers and applause ]