Brian Regan - Flight Delays

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 235,586

Brian Regan questions why he can't just go knock on the cabin door and ask the pilot what the problem is. (1:56)

Backed awayfrom the gate on time.Just sat there for a half hour.

Nothin' you can do.Ever wanna knock on the doorup there?

[ Imitates Knocking ]"Um,

"why don't we all headwhere we're goin'?

That's what we're alltalkin' about back here."

But you don't do that.You just sit therelike a goober.

After a half hour,the captain finally gets on.

[ Groans ]

"Ohh, folks--

Lemme tell youwhat's goin' on up here."

Oh, I hope it's good!

Has that everfollowed with anythingeven remotely good?

"Lemme tell youwhat's goin' on up here.

"Uh, we found a bigbag of money onboard,

"and, uh, the tower hasinstructed us to divvy itamongst all you passengers.

"We apologizefor the delay.

"The problem is, each individualstack is getting so high,they keep toppling over.

"And, uh, the rubber bandswe've been using keep snappingon the size of these bundles.

Apologies from the flight--"[ Gibberish ]

It's never that.It's never that.

It's always, "Uh, somebodyput our engine in upside-down.

"And, uh, there's onlyone tool in our galaxythat can fix this.

"And, uh,it's in Madagascar.

"The tower has instructed usto go to a holding area...

and remain there until everyoneon board dies a natural death."

So you go thereand die.